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Posted 25 December 2001, 7.09 pm by Villager

Fear is a funny old thing. Some people fear their shadows, some fear spiders and all things crawly. Some have either become utterly desensitised by trauma and events or simply been worn down by life that they no longer care. I don't fear my shadow, I don't fear spiders or anything crawly, but I'm positive that I've not misplaced nor outlived the feeling to fear. I have two fears.

The first, is death. Not in that I'm paranoid about the fact that one day I shall certainly be no more; I am entirely comfortable with that. My fear of death is that it will come before what I see as my 'time', before I've experienced the things I presently look forward to with such promise. Before I've had a decent crack at life and at least achieved some semblance of contentment. I want to see the world, to have kids; to play with their kids and give them Worther's Originals, to ultimately succeed or fail at my chosen profession; to carve out my own existence in this world, to sail upon my very own wave, rather than the one I have stumbled on, and now lie afloat.

That may sound a trite stereotypical, the whole future plans-that-nobody-ever-gets-around to-doing, but the way I see this journey going, I am essentially stuck in this slow educational, dependent, servile state. Which is why I damn well hope I live to see the fruits.

The second fear is to lose the degree of influence over my life that I crave. In many respects, I have that now, with only my chosen occupation and societal pressures really dictating my passage of life. But that shall change, and my great fear, greater than that of premature death, is that I shall be contained within my scope and denied the freedom I need as a person.

Again, it's a common, often stereotypical fear/concept, that one should desire personal freedom and influence over ones' destiny. But it's an entirely rational and human one. I could indeed take things into my own hands, as it were, and abandon the restrictions of college and work and the family. But such a thing would remove too much of what I have come to depend on in life. So, I am stuck with my journey.

Other than those two things, I fear no physical or mental aspect of life which others claim. For that I am grateful, as I revel in the full health and free mind that I am lucky enough to have. But, my question to you, is: are my fears rational? Should I live life as if each day were my last, and abandon the societal bullshit we all know and hate, live life to its fullest, or continue, as we do, calmly but sadly beating our way through life with the hope that our skills and fortune give promise just around that corner?

on 27 December 2001, 1.03 am
Yes and no. If you live each day as if it was your last, you have no motivation to improve yourself, no motivation not to become a drunkard, a junkie or a social dropout. You'd not feel any compunction to add to your immediate surroundings.

I think to an extent, we should try and make the most out of every day, but keep in mind a year from now and have goals we wish to acheive.

on 1 January 2002, 9.34 pm
I disagree. I think that those of us who live each day as our last are usually more inclined to try and change the world. It gives us the opportunity to better our world and make a mark that we will be remembered by. If we think we have less time in which to do that, the harder we will work to that end.

on 4 August 2004, 7.20 am

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They were done for an exhibition a couple of years ago . They asked for something to so with the summer. They are mixed media and oil paint on metal advertising boards - for ice cream.

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Props to Green Mamba for bringing the weirdness


80s candy bars were pretty good

only because i traded it for a candy bar in the 80's.

lol we all know you don't have a soul ghoti

my soul for some carbs...

But of course!


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