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Posted 26 April 2002, 2.42 am by Jake

Words fail me.

As of lately, it seems that I wasn't meant to be happy. Casual meaningless sex and drugs fill the void, but only for a short while.
Every conscious decision I make/have made comes back and slaps me in the face.

I can't fucking get it, for the life of me.

Life's kinda kicking me in the face and pissing in my ear lately, but what's new? That's how it's almost always been. But, I will stare down my obstacles, I'll tear down all of the walls that are in my way. I'll crawl through the red-hot plains of Hell, and I'll grit my teeth and slog through the shit that is accumulating around me.
Whatever fucking happens, I'm not gonna lay down. I'm not going to give in to any doubt. Maybe I'll have fits of anger and self-loathing, but hey. Tough shit.
It can only get better.


on 26 April 2002, 7.42 am
Well Jake. Each morning I wake up and think: Thing's could not get worse, and sure enough they are worse.

Unfortunately things can get worse, especially when you feel low and disillusioned, because of your current issues. But what I can also say, is that they can get better, not quite as easily as getting worse. No you got to take the knocks and the disappointments over and over. But it does improve. Why, by effort, change in temperament and of course maturity.

From your postings, I can see/guess you are a tough cookie, I got no doubt you will enjoy the improvements, but it does take time and immense efforts.

Sorry to hear your despair, and I do hope it improves.

on 26 April 2002, 9.36 am
Fucking damn right Jake, keep on keeping on, it will get better all you have to do is keep going. We all have times when the shit hits the villa, and thats life, you have to fight. Theres two types of people, those who fight and those who moan! Dont give up!

on 27 April 2002, 10.22 pm
We're all deemed to terminal morale at some point in our lives. Living the dream is a purist notion and one that I highly neglect. Our shitty lives counter our want for better and more 'newer' experiences. Personally I've lived a very subdued life and I'm not willing to go on all-out warfare for me and my superoirs for the sake of my own self worth.

on 1 May 2002, 3.28 pm
Don't listen to it Jake, all they are doing is spreading a little chocolate frosting on that turd that we call life. It has never been, nor will it ever be, anything but a big, fat, pile of shit.

But there is good news. Over the years, you will learn to like the taste of shit, as long as there is enough frosting on it. And, it gets better, pretty soon, you will find that you can handle the shit, with no frosting at all. And low and behold, there will eventually come a time when you actually like the tast of shit, without no frosting at all.

Then, you can scrape the frosting off, and wipe it on some struggling young friends shit, and tell them "Don't tell Jackwright I'm doin' this for you".

I hope that helps a little, huh. I hate chocolate frosting.

on 1 May 2002, 10.12 pm
Rock on, Jack. Your parallels between shit and chocolate frosting made a difference. Now that cake that my aunt baked doesn't look QUITE as appetizing. Your post reminded me of a saying...
"Life is like a shit sandwich, the more bread you have the less shit you have to eat."
Uncommonly true.

on 4 August 2004, 7.18 am

on 4 August 2004, 7.20 am

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In 2018 I started painting again. This was one of a series of acrylic sketches I did to relearn techniques and revisit my skills from art college.

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Props to Green Mamba for bringing the weirdness


80s candy bars were pretty good

only because i traded it for a candy bar in the 80's.

lol we all know you don't have a soul ghoti

my soul for some carbs...

But of course!


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