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Good Times

Posted 24 January 2002, 12.47 am by The_Roach

I lead a fairly dull, normal life. Up until just recently I have been very satisfied with it. I wake up in the morning to some rather loud music, take a shower, check up on various goings-on around the net, and leave for work. Once there, I pull my hair out for several hours doing a job that I love so much it hurts. After my day is complete, I take a couple of busses home, make my way over to the computer and work on various projects that I have involved myself in. Maybe I'll even have a drink or two.

Day in and day out, I follow the routine. Things weren't always this way, though. I used to spend a lot of time with friends, frequently recieving calls at four in the morning asking for assistance to keep so-and-so out of jail or to come hang out at some party. When I realized how I was floating through life, I decided to become more disciplined. I focused on my career, placed more emphasis on organizations with which I had involvement. Eventually, my buddies just stopped calling.

Now, on those rare occasions in which I venture out of my domicile for a purpose other than work, I don't know what to do. I'll go to a bar with three of my closest friends every Tuesday night and just stare at the walls. Everyone thinks I'm some kind of broken man, that I don't have anything to live for but work and profit and capitalism.

That, however, is not my desire. It isn't my goal. I want to be able to enjoy myself, but I can't. I'm not sure I know how anymore. Everytime I engage in some activity that I would have once found pleasure in, I taint it in my head. I find some flaw that prevents me from being affected by it in a postive way, find some pewter lining in cloud nine.

Am I afraid to let myself go, afraid that I might no longer accept the drudgery of everyday life? Afraid? No.

That word can't even begin to adequately describe the terror I feel.

on 24 January 2002, 12.53 am
Man, You are not alone.

Except my drive doesn't extend much further than my own personal causes. Which is more depressing because you never really know if you're just pissing into the wind or not.

on 24 January 2002, 1.17 am
I don't have a job yet that consumes my time,sanity, and social life, but from your description what I have isn't far from it. Academics and swimming demand more time and energy from me than anything else. All I've begun to think about is which classes am I behind in, did I remember the homework, when's the next test, etc. With swimming draining all my energy at the end of the day my sleeping pattern is disrupted, leaving me with no energy during the daylight hours. This translates into a perpetual school-time funk where all of my creative faculties and wit are defunct. Attempts at social interaction simply worsen the social ties between and putative friends. I'm becoming more and more aloof to the mainstream.

This is dispicable.... I need to escape, flee, fly!
But finals are comping up and I compelled to study.
I am dying from the inside out..........

on 24 January 2002, 1.33 pm
Hey, Roach, what kind of job do you have?

on 24 January 2002, 8.42 pm
This seems very familiar. I've begun feeling the very same way recently...except even my job bores me. Frighteningly enough, it seems to me that the answer is: A Woman. ack.


on 25 January 2002, 12.02 am
This is one of the reasons why I left the job I loved more than I can even describe. It had eaten me up whole, like an obsessive relationship might. I had become anti-social outside of work. I put too much of my energy and life into it. It had become me, I was IT.

I wanted more. My money was useless to me if I didn't have things to spend it on, like a social life, going places and doing thing, or any of the joys money can buy. It was all going towards bill payments, food, and things I don't even care about. Things that depress me and keep me up at night. I had to say screw it to security to keep my sanity.

Of course, now that I am only working part-time, I have bill payments I'm ignoring with hopes they might just go away and no money to spend on any sort of "fun". Without money, it doesn't matter if you know what to do in social situation, 'cause you won't get to the situation to begin with.

If only we could find a happy medium.

on 25 January 2002, 8.46 am
For me, its the fun things in life that keep me somewhat sane. They take my mind off of how bad the rest of my life is, how lonely I am, how much my job sucks. Spending time with the few friends that I have managed to make makes the rest of my life worth living. Its pointless to try to taint everything that brings you joy to make the rest of your life more bearable. Life sucks and its always going to. Having good friends and going out and having fun is like a reward to me for dealing with the rest of the bullshit. Besides, you can't truly appreciate how good things can be unless you have gone through the bad as well.

on 25 January 2002, 7.04 pm
In your situation, you can't enjoy yourself, because you seem so inept with your social circle, you find it hard to break free from it.

Dude, I don't mean to bombard you with something so ideal, but it's nice to spend some time alone and discover yourself a bit more.

on 28 January 2002, 3.29 am
Ahh,Your problem is a simple one. You have Responsibility! The sad thing is that abandoning responsibility would go against everything you were raised to be. It starts simply enough: clean up your room,take out the trash,mow the yard. Sure you didn't like doing these things but, you did them because of consequences! As you've grown older, your resposibilities have grown right along with you. So have the consequences! It is what keeps most of us out of Prison, or worse, a Homeless shelter! Don't feel jealous of your friends with less responsibility. They are probably jealous of you and the way that your life is so together! Besides, responsibility is an asset when it comes time to find a life partner.

on 4 August 2004, 7.20 am

on 4 August 2004, 7.22 am

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This piece was inspired by Andy Warhol's famous 'marilyn monroe' piece in which the same picture is used several times to create a pattern. If you look closely, you'll realise there's a lot going on here with the detailed background against the simple pixelated images create a convergence which I thought would be nice to experiment with. It was created in Photoshop and took me 5 hours to perfect.

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Props to Green Mamba for bringing the weirdness


80s candy bars were pretty good

only because i traded it for a candy bar in the 80's.

lol we all know you don't have a soul ghoti

my soul for some carbs...

But of course!


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