Sitenews Minimize
  • 30/12/18
    Fun fact - AKPCEP has a Google Page Speed score of 100/100
  • 26/12/18
    You wonder how any of this worked in the first place.
  • 13/03/09
    Still here! Please visit the forums and join in the discussions. If you have any questions or comments please contact Alexander.
Link Button Minimize
link to

Use this to link

Valid XHTML 1.0
Valid CSS

Sekurity Alert

Posted 20 July 2004, 4.58 am by Villager

Hrm. I'm in Starbucks and two policemen have just sat down on the table opposite me. Of all the tables in the (empty) room, they pick that one. Do you think they're onto me? Should I make a run for it? Or pretend I haven't noticed them, and try not to look suspicious? How did they see through my disguise? Am I not the archetypal, blue-eyed, innocent as apple pie Aryan American? Or was it too good a disguise? They're both overweight, I could probably outrun them. But I haven't finished my coffee. Or my raspberry Danish. I really am at a loss here. Perhaps they know I ticked 'vegetarian' on my meal choice for the flight over. That's one step away from choosing 'halal' and everyone knows vegetarians are to be suspected. No wonder they frisked me at the airport and made me take off my sandals. Wait, that's it! Of course. Sandals + beard = terrorist! What an amateur mistake! I appear to have underestimated the enemy, thinking my pasty complexion would fool their defences. I guess they sussed that one out when Michael Jackson had his makeover. Wait. Perhaps I'm needlessly jumping to conclusions. American cops aren't that smart. But then, why would they be sitting in Starbucks in Uniform? Hm. So... either they're slacking off or they really are onto me. The bigger one's looking at my Danish. Is he trying to intimidate me? Provoke me into making a run for it so he can make his arrest, send me off to Guantanamo and scrump my Danish? So much to think about. What if I'm captured, and they try to get me to talk, torturing me with delicious, aromatic cherry pie that 'I can have if I talk'? I have a high pain threshold, but I don't know if I can take that. I might crack. I only came in for a coffee. And a Danish. Where's Fraser? He'd throw them off the scent, he's lanky and whiter than me. But wait! Fraser's passport has a Saudi endorsement! They were onto us all along! I'm doomed. Maybe they're just waiting for him to come back so they can nab us both. Why else would they hesitate? The smaller one's fiddling with his truncheon. That's not a good sign. What a sordid way to go out, sneaking out to have a brief, sticky affair with a sweet, freshly baked pastry. It seems my vice will be the end of me. Wait! Fraser's coming! This is the end! I could run, but these guys are seriously overweight. I could get pounced on, squashed and suffocate, pressed against their sweaty man-breasts, handcuffed, kicking and screaming like a girl. Tell mother I went out like a man, will you? They're getting up! They're going for Fraser first. That gives me time to finish my Danish! They have mercy after all!. I guess this is goodbye, my love, don't give up the fight. I'll see you in Cuba.

"NO! Get away from my food! You can take my freedom, but you'll never take my Daniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiish!"

on 30 July 2004, 9.31 pm
You okay there, Vill?

on 31 July 2004, 7.16 am
maybe a cream cheese danish. or a scone. with clotted cream.

but NOT a raspberry danish.

on 2 August 2004, 2.33 am
American "scones" are a travesty. Raspberry is good with anything, IMO.

And no, I'm not okay here.

To comment on this article, please Log In or Register.

Submissions Minimize

1 Article awaiting authorisation

Users Online Minimize

Members: 5 Guests: 461

Art Collection Minimize
Click for larger image

They were done for an exhibition a couple of years ago . They asked for something to so with the summer. They are mixed media and oil paint on metal advertising boards - for ice cream.

Chat Minimize


80s candy bars were pretty good

only because i traded it for a candy bar in the 80's.

lol we all know you don't have a soul ghoti

my soul for some carbs...

But of course!

Yo ! Does this work ?


If you wish to help AKPCEP grow, please use PayPal.
RSS Newsfeed:
Articles posted are copyright the respective authors and may not express the views of All other content ©Alexander King 2001-2019. ver 4.0
This page was built in 0.0126 seconds