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Posted 11 February 2004, 7.25 am by Green Mamba

An uncontrollable addiction to an empty promise of death … the sweet seductive after-tastelessness of cyanide … breathe in … breathe out … a life time spent at the speed of light … from birth to death and back again within a few hundredths of a second … fading out of yesterday … goodbye my love … tomorrow may never come.
Yesterday I had some live culture yoghurt for lunch … or maybe it was the year before … breathe in … breathe out … look closely mother … I think I lost my first tooth, so I waited up all night for the tooth fairy to show me his appreciation for the little chunk of ivory sleeping softly in my left shoe … kicked her flimsy ass good and solid when all he tried to leave me was a lousy two dollars … butterfly wings mounted on my bedroom wall … doesn’t she realise the pain I had to endure.
I can hear Satan laughing in the background … yeah laugh all you want you stupid fuck … breathe in … breathe out … you’re next … mount your fucking batwings on the wall … right next to Rudolph’s head … he shat on my front lawn you know … all for a lousy pair of socks and father … Christmas doesn’t care … crucified himself on new years day.
God is watching while I take another … breathe in … breathe out … mind your own business old man … you’re not in the equation any more … a prayer for the dying … almost gone … fading out of yesterday … goodbye my love … tomorrow may just be the last today … the sweet seductive after-tastelessness of death … an uncontrollable addiction to an empty canister of cyanide.
All I have left is enough change in my pocket for one last call … no use waiting by the phone … I’ll leave a message if you’re not home … to tell you where I went … and if it was worth the trip … pack you’re bags … you’re going too … sooner or later we all … breathe out

So, where was I?

Posted 10 February 2004, 8.37 am by Green Mamba

Oh yes, now I remember…

Free choice is an illusion. Any choice we make at any given point in time is determined by everything that has gone before. The information that we are exposed to is limited and controlled, so what we perceive to be free choice is merely partially predictable movements within set parameters.

Yes, I have elaborated on my previous statement and will do more so in an attempt to clarify my point. Maybe this time around I can actually bring it across in a more understandable manner.

Free choice is an illusion.
Firstly, what everybody failed to notice in the previous debate is that I never meant this literally. It is not really an illusion, because we as human beings do possess the ability to make choices driven by needs beyond pure instinct. In other words, I could choose to make the next word CAPS or whatever else I am allowed within the parameters of this site (remember that last part). Clearly I have made a choice, there is no doubt about that. But more importantly … why did I specifically choose CAPS for this example when there are literally hundreds of other examples I could have given.

The choices we make at any given point in time are pre-determined by everything that has gone before. In other words, our life experiences influence the choices we make. A simple example is when somebody offers me a choice between Smarties or M&M’s. Personally, I have tried both and will go for Smarties any day, because to me, it tastes better. Somebody else may prefer M&M’s. Clearly both of us made a choice and even though it wasn’t the same choice, it was influenced by our knowledge of the options at hand. Somebody who had never tasted either, might have declined or opted to try it before making a decision. Either way, choice is affected by the past experience and knowledge of the individual presented with the choice.

Another determining factor in choice is the parameters within which I am allowed to choose. Getting back to the whole CAPS example at the beginning of this thread. Since Alexander had set the front page up so that it strips all HTML … I couldn’t color the text or bold it. The only other option would have been to use mock tags like the now infamous tag, but once again I would only have done that because that is the only available option.

Going from AKpCEP to the bigger picture … society … modern culture … life. Instead of a web site, we find ourselves in a much bigger playground. The rules however, remain the same. Instead of the almighty Alexander, we have governments who set the parameters (laws) within which we are allowed to make choices and the media who controls the information that must assist us in the choices we have to make. It becomes even more complicated when you throw formal education, religion, peers, friends and whatever else I couldn’t think of into the mix … so much so that eventually these influences become so intertwined that we have difficulty distinguishing one from other. The sheer magnitude of the big machine called civilisation becomes so overwhelming that most of the data that we are exposed to are shoved into the back of our minds. Every time we have to make a “free choice” we in avertedly call on this information to assist us in making that choice. In other words, symbolically speaking … all our choices are made for us … pre-determined and limited by the information that is piled up in our subconscious minds. Information that we are being force-fed from the moment we outgrow the comforts of our mothers’ womb … maybe even before that…

The Thought

Posted 5 February 2004, 11.56 pm by shaggy

I pondered at the forlorn path
The secret strength, the hidden math
By which, strong uncertain
Battles of mysterious portend
Shall be displayed to me

And as each thought passed
The uncontrolled mass
That whispers secrets to me
I felt unlearned
And, to the answers, yearned
As if they I could see

And what I found there
Chilled my blood and paled my hair
What I found,
That was previous underground,
The answers and questions, sound
Uncertain, staring, lurking
Piling upon my humours
Whistling the answers in rumours
Of no weak import
Was found, in my gaze,
Surrounded in the deepest haze,
-- Oh, that horrid gaze!
Those horrid eyes, that wicked maze!--
I found in that place
A deep, staring face
And I knew within my heart
--But where shall I start?--
I knew without a doubt
That this hideous beast was out
And sent against this world.

Time for Farewells I

Posted 5 February 2004, 4.10 pm by Lilith

This is the first of three poems in the set, and hopefully part of the foundation for the "Seasons" cycle (that I need to work more on). Since to me, fall seems the natural place to start (has nothing to do with Jewish New Year being in the fall, actually) writing the cycle, this will most likely be the first poem not only in the set, but in the entire cycle when and if I ever complete it (well, hopefully I will).

Any criticism is welcome, here or on the forum.


In the morning it was autumn
Dry seeds tap-dancing across the concrete.
A tired body demanding sleep, unsated
In the short hours before sunrise.
And the lapis of the sky was perfect,
Immaculate; but the leaves
Were still vividly green—
Casual attire to be replaced
By the evening dress of fall.
And the air was sweet and just
A little too pungent,
The smell of abandoned orchards.
Yes, it was autumn in the morning,
The time for farewells.

The autumn wind came,
A lover’s touch—too tender to endure
Without tears.
It will undress the forest—
Tear away the seductive silks
Of crimson, purple and gold,
Exposing the souls of trees
The gentle mist clinging to the rolling hills.
And I will see far away,
Knowing the coming of Fall.

This morning they stand unsuspecting,
And I watch them wait
For the coming of Fall,
The time of becoming.

Winter Sky

Posted 29 January 2004, 5.10 pm by Lilith


No snow this morning,
But mist clouds dimly
The city that isn't asleep.
The air is too dry
And the falling leaves whisper
And cover the ground knee-deep.

They rustle in piles where they fell,
And they gather
In nooks near old stone walls.
They wait for the first chilly steps
Of the season--
The blanket of first snowfall.

And skies like a platinum lake,
Thick and heavy
Look down on a city of gray.
And trees bow down
To the herald of winter,
The slow North wind of the day.

Welcome to V3

Posted 24 January 2004, 4.26 pm by Alexander

Hello, and welcome to AKPCEP V3.

Firstly apologies for the week of downtime, secondly a massive thank you to those of you who donated money towards the running costs of the site. Both of these factors inspired me to do a complete re-code of both the front and back end of akpcep. It doesn't just look different, folks - it is different.

On top of all that I've installed brand new forum software which is more feature-packed, faster and less server-intensive, which should lead to a faster more stable akpcep.

Lastly, you can now find akpcep at AND Now go - update your email address in the Shed because they were lost in the database conversion.

And where possible, enjoy yourselves.

Server Move in Progress

Posted 18 January 2004, 9.08 am by Alexander

Just a heads-up for you all. We're moving servers, so expect a day or so when may not resolve, while the DNS transfers over from one server to another.

However, I have a few surprises for you all on the other side, so stick with us.

Night Watch

Posted 15 January 2004, 5.52 am by Villager

Enough! I'm fed up and I'm not taking any more of it. For the past three years I've existed in a cycle of self induced insomnia (yes, it still counts apparently) supported by all sorts of mechanisms to make me alert for a few hours of the day when I needed to get things done. Sleep and my body came a poor third in relation to whim and time restraint. As most of you will be aware, it's difficult to continue to function normally when you deprive yourself of adequate and regular sleep. That said, I became quite adept at manipulating my 'body-clock' to get the most hours of time awake when I wanted them. I'd grin and bear it when it became necessary. I tried to defy the need for sleep, and scored a partial victory. That is, with the help of adrenalin, caffeine, taurine, glucose-fructose syrup, and frequent siestas. After all, twenty-four hours isn't nearly enough time to get things done if you spend 8 of them sleeping, especially if they're so restrictive as to be at regular times.

Well, no more. I'm tired of massaging my battered body into accepting an unnatural pattern of existence with the assistance of stimulants. No more coffee. No more Lucozade. No more early morning runs. No more alcohol. No more staring at this damned screen for hours each night. From here I will stand or fall on my ability to function with a normal sleeping pattern free from the coffee/sugar binges that I've become so familiar with. My mismanagement has taken toll enough on mind and body alike. When it gets to the point where my doctor suggests an antidepressant tranquilliser to reregulate my sleeping patterns in order to prevent any further weight loss (I've steadily been getting further away from a healthy height/weight ratio over the past year) I think it's time to make a reappraisal of my habits and vices.

Although I certainly reached a point where I really did need to resort to artificial stimulants to get things done (assignments/work/staying awake between lectures) this isn't really about dependence. It's about influence. While I make no pretence that any of these things have true addictive powers, fact is I've proved highly vulnerable to their frequent use. In attempting to escape the inescapable limitations of my body I've given far too much importance to these stimulants to lift me out of the lethargy that results from poor sleeping patterns. It's a vicious cycle really, and one I've been more or less constantly inclined to remain within for a long time now. Well, it ends here. While it rather would be wrong to suggest such a thing as a 'normalisation', I'm going in search of something of a naturalisation of lifestyle, and discovery of that necessitates the absence of all those things I've misguidedly used in my long and tiring campaign to defy myself.

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Doggybag/baggy_dog is an artist living and working in Barga, Italy. Click here to read about this piece in his own words.

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80s candy bars were pretty good

only because i traded it for a candy bar in the 80's.

lol we all know you don't have a soul ghoti

my soul for some carbs...

But of course!

Yo ! Does this work ?


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