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Sick and Flawless

Posted 17 November 2003, 8.39 pm by Shaggy

Upon reflection, the world around me is an ever-changing and yet static equilibrium. Truth and untruths exist along very little understanding, though we all do our song and dance to attempt any sort of interpretation. Apparently, our birthright leads us toward the inside of that dark cave, where, deep in its underbelly, hides the secret to happiness and completion.

I have said before, the soul is a great precipice.

At any rate, the one thing I find on a regular basis is an observation many will find rather shocking from me: we have lost the inner child. When I say "inner child" I do not, by any stretch of the imagination, mean embracing childishness. The inner child is something innocent and devoid of all that makes this world hell. The inner child watches cartoons and smiles at random people on the street. The inner child is, in other words, all those positive attributes you have had as a child.

Growing up, many things are shoved underneath the psyche. Hopes and dreams are smashed under the pragmatic foot of realism.

I have seen many pitiful attempts to achieve this child. Some people attempt to embrace it within unattached sexuality, without realizing the inherent mistakes that are attached. Many people I know have attempted, against my advice, such a sexuality. "It is possible for me to be unattached," they tell me. "Sexual attachment does not happen consciously," I warn them. "One can get attached to a lover even against the will, and you are only harming either yourself or your fling by even attempting such a thing." But, since they obviously are right and I wrong, I watch as they attempt, and, ultimately, fail, become hurt, and come to me for comfort.

I have heard of one such creature who has not hurt herself. She embraces sexuality, and it has come at the cost of those around her, and I honestly believe that in embracing sexuality she has embraced evil. She leaves broken hearts in her wake, and indeed, remains attached with them only to shove it in their face that she is sleeping with someone else.

This leads me to believe that she has cut the throat of her inner child and left it rotting in a shed somewhere.

The inner child cannot be found by abandoning connection to humanity. Such a creature exists not as an excuse to do evil, not as a way out of trouble, but as a path to happiness. The inner child is the simplistic representation of happiness, and the perfect inner child is one that comes not at the cost of others, but at a more spiritual safety and naivité.

The inner child is something that can only be defined as a function of the individual.

Now, I say "we have lost our inner child" but I do not mean to imply that all have given up hope. There are a select few who embrace a much more simplistic lifestyle. There are a few who still watch cartoons no matter what their age, who cry in public out of frustration, who play in the mud.

Yet, there are also the many who are too ashamed to admit that they want to roll down a muddy hill. There are many such reasons why people avoid their inner child. Sexuality can be the destruction of this inner creature. Many people overemphasize the importance of sexuality, and thus avoid embarassing situations in order to remain "sexy" (a definition which I hope to destroy in myself, and I daresay I'd rather think of myself as ugly then sexy at most times). Another is the myth of the "grown-up" that is thrown at kids. "Grown ups don't do this, don't do that, you do, you don't do, you do, you don't do..." Professionalism, empiricism.... many opportunities to cast away this inner creature.

I have built many self-defense mechanisms around myself. But I refuse to starve my inner child. He is my heart, he is my soul, and he is my mind. He is me, simplified, and is my ultimate happiness. Impossible to describe, I am constantly in conversation with him, hoping to have him uncover his secrets.

However, I have left out one more reason why the inner child is sometimes unseen: the world has monsters who would cut its throat. I have seen it in hurtful sexuality, I have seen it in violence, in an overindulgence of control.

My inner child hides behind thick walls, trapped in my mind, a cell of its own, reading from the sometimes-vast library that resides inside of my being.

Perhaps someday, when all the monsters have been conquered, he will come out in public.

Until then, he is reserved for the few who I can be certain would never harm him.

All you monsters, you sick f-----s, should be ashamed of yourselves for frightening him in this way.

And for those who think this article to be an expression of my vulnerability, it is at once a vulnerable thing and an expression of how strong my walls have become. My inner child cannot be killed, but those who attack it shall be sorry, indeed, for I am want to believe strongly in justice.

Sometimes, I fear I have become naught more than an open wound, and that there are monsters who will try to poke these open sores, to cause me pain. This may sound like paranoia, but it is not that these people are out to get me specifically. Rather, there are those who can stand and create walls, there are those who can express their inner child, and, sometimes, there are those who I consider worthless, those who have nothing in their possession except a stick, with which they wonder the streets in search of a weakness in the walls, so they can poke at the bloody cuts.

That said, I will go in secret, now, to my hidden shelter, and play in the mud.

Tonkas and bicycles abound, as well as teddy bears and vast card houses, where resides the great sorcerer.

Capacity: Are you full?

Posted 16 November 2003, 9.36 pm by Villager

My mother always tells me, 'as long as you enjoy yourself, that's all that matters'. I used to think she was being naïve.

Once it becomes apparent (and for some it's much earlier than others) that the material joys of adulthood will never be quite as satisfying as those of childhood, we all must face up to a choice. It is a choice that somewhat surprises. Either we resign ourselves to an existence, ultimately, of mediocrity and henceforth try to get as much satisfaction and stimulation out of these fragile bodies before they collapse and die, or we turn aside from sensual satisfaction (of the more obvious kind at least) and devote our hopes and efforts to the cultivation of the mind and (though it seems to have become something of a dirty word these days) the soul. A crude distinction you might say, and you'd be right. But I think it a fundamentally accurate one. Of course there are an infinite number of shades of each attitude and there's inevitably room for something of both to exist in one person.

The choice becomes necessary because the human mind requires to feel that it is existing at full capacity: if it is felt that there is unused capacity then this undermines the validity of existence at anything below the perceived capacity. I know it's not a very appealing term, but I can't think of a 'nicer' one with comparable meaning so it will have to suffice. What we are doing comes to feel insufficient once we feel we could be doing more.

For those dedicated to their minds, life becomes a path. Some know where they want it to go, others just hope it’s somewhere nice. The mind is agitated to dismiss material wealth because it only scratches the surface of what the human mind can appreciate. The mind, then, is something that offers hope of greater satisfaction, a satisfaction that leaves no room for further desire to undermine it. Capacity. Worldly comforts become subordinate to a perceived higher goal: intellectual harmony. The applications of this are broad, and necessarily so; what is important is that the body becomes a mere stick helping to scratch the itching of the mind.

As for those who prefer tangible, immediate pleasures, the pursuit is not necessarily any less vigorous; indeed some of the most motivated and determined people I know have dedicated their lives to sensual satisfaction. Some are fully committed to the way of life, others choose it as an easier and more easily accessible way of gaining meaning and reward from existence. The mind is reduced to a medium through which stimulation is received.

It should be stated here that it is not important which approach to life I believe to be superior. Indeed, it is vital to the purpose of this article that I accept the individual basis upon which such choices be made.

What must be realised is that despite their often dramatic differences, the two approaches, though dedicated to different ends, are driven by the same thing: the desire for capacity. Complete satisfaction. Contentedness. Call it what you please. And wherever the desire to do more and better exists, so too does the inherent regret that not enough is presently being achieved. If the individual feels progress is being made (or even if capacity is felt to have been reached, if such people exist), the means is justified. If not, the way in which we pursue what has been inappropriately labelled happiness, has to change.

I have not illustrated the choices people make merely to give examples of the variety of human endeavour in life. Their presence here is to show that although we are each inclined to pursue capacity differently, it is not the manner in which we go about it that really matters. Perhaps mother was right, after all.

This has consequences. If as a society we could recognise that despite our vast differences, we are all in pursuit of the same goal, could we not then better work together to create an environment where that is facilitated rather than hindered? Could we not use such new-found kinship to eliminate the frictions which arise from the differences in our attitudes, and realise that mutual cooperation is infinitely more effective than distrust and competition? I don't believe that the differences between those Of the Mind and those Of the Body are so great as to be irreconcilable. I believe that given effort, faith and determination, humankind as a whole can realise something much nearer to its capacity just as we are trying to do individually.


Come, will you join me?

How I'd stop George W. Bush coming in...

Posted 16 November 2003, 10.49 am by eggmachine

How Id go about stopping George Bush
From coming to Britain.

Disclaimer: (if I have a lot of bodies all at once)

London is not the key city. London is the latch city.

It is more necessary to b e seen at the swimming pool than to go there.

A revolution is a full turn. A cracked Les Paul record from Age Conc/urn can do 78 revolutions in a minute.

A wheel can do as many as a piece of string.

We are on one now.

That now is forever and this moment is seeing as many of them as there are weather forecasts in the sky.

George Bush W I’ll not be in London in a week and the demonstrations will look pointless and pathetic.

The tip of an iceberg is insignificant compared to your mother’s teat.

Neither can you judge a breast by its teat.

A world full of wind is a good way to produce stealth aircraft.

A power cut will sepARATe the computer hackers from the truly resourceful.

Pierce the exclusion zone with masks, go in stark naked except for your bikini.

If they are focusing on nanotechnology, we must go nano in a big way.

Masks are always reversible. Somehow.

If you fear regretting a tattoo, get a tattoo done to resemble a birthmark.

Birthmarks don’t offer you any option, they have been on you since before you were born.

Designed by AbbA – Arabic 4Father

5011921935185citadelempiredetachment

Switch off your screen and allow ourselves to spread the purity.

(sent to me by Suzi Y Riot)

Destroy All: Perspective Through Fire

Posted 13 November 2003, 6.36 pm by Shaggy

I was always of the notion that if you truly love something, the easiest image to you is to have it destroyed. Picture in your head the greatest love: is it not defined by what it stands up against? As a society, as a psychological mass, we tend to throw destruction against ourselves to define our survival. The strongest man is the man who can fight without being torn down, but in order to prove this he must, inevitably, fight the most difficult of opponents.

However, this state of psyche is not always the most comforting. For, it inevitably brings to mind all the things that can crush us, that can attack us from all angles. For, if we define our strength by how long our inner walls hold, we can never know our capabilities unless we try to destroy them.

They call it "challenge". Unhappy is the mind that challenges everything, that has nothing as a stable centre, and yet, how strong such a mind!

Love is the most fragile of emotions. Love is that absolute that has notoriously weak walls. This simple fact tempts mankind over and over again to throw away love, to be heartless and callous, to say "fuck you" to all others in order to protect the self.

Take, for instance, when I was cheated on: When my exgirlfriend cheated, I turned completely and utterly cold. Why? Well, if anyone cannot see why, then a shudder must inevitably drench me. I was protecting myself.

I have been quoted as saying "What would a man want a heart for? I am the great Heartless." Okay, maybe not that explicitly, but something along the same vein. And, at times, it is true. To let oneself open to being cheated on is to welcome the enemy into the bloodstream.

However, the logic of this article dictates that I would prove stronger for surviving. And I would have to agree. I learned how to stand up to my weaknesses. I learned how to kill those that would enter my bloodstream for harm. However, sometimes that comes at the cost of not allowing connection with those who would actually wish nothing but love.

So you find the one who is not the enemy. Either that, or you shake them all from your skin, never to let anything or anyone enter. There is only room in my pathway for one such being. My present significant other has infected me at times, but still has remained friend as opposed to enemy. However, I do not think I would have been strong enough to endure the illnesses she has given me, had I not battled a much stronger enemy with my exgirlfriend (cheating).

I say, do not welcome the enemy, curse the enemy, but do not regret the fight. For in destroying one thing, you find something else coming from the fire.

Look at things from a different perspective... imagine loosing the war... what war would it be? That would be different for each person. However, you cannot win a war without anticipating loss, and guarding against your weark walls.

Fight on, and slaughter the opposition.

This is only what I think.

Posted 30 October 2003, 7.00 pm by Crucias

I believe that real beauty and power can only be found in humans. In anything else, there is none. For example, trees. Trees make oxygen. They make grass green. They give animals a place to live. They're pretty enough, but that's what they're supposed to be. Pretty, green, good for our continued breathing.

Humans, on the other hand, are born or created as nothing and are given the chance to become something. Trees are there to fulfill an intended function. We can choose to be whatever we want. Sure, we might be born with good looks or a capacity for learning that few others have, but we choose to follow that path and that is where real beauty is. That we choose what is right over what is wrong as often as we do.

Valley of the Dead

Posted 28 October 2003, 1.58 am by Shaggy

There was a time, ages ago, in which the role model was the king of men, a completely moral though flawed human being, striving to overcome his flaws. Today is a different day. As Chaucer lamented, gone is the honourable man. Instead, everyone assumed the king perfect, and when his flaws were exposed, instead of attempting to overcome this flaw and use the faults as examples, the masses, stupid lump of coal that they are, think that perfection must be impossible, and promptly embrace themselves as filth. "The king had a mistress," they think to themselves, "thus the concept of monogamy, faithfulness and loyalty must be impossible. How can we resist?" This is the greatest line of stupidity ever announced. "How can we resist stealing, murder, et alia?" To all those who have thought "how can I resist" toward something obviously wrong (not by my standards, or by yours, the reader, but based on a function of how many people involved, how many hurt [in which 1 person is an excess far too large] and many other considerations) I say, promptly and without any remorse, remove yourselve from my vicinity promptly. If you are so weak willed that you base your morality on what others resist or do not resist, your limitations on those of others, you are morally worthless. If you think sexuality only involves yourself, then you are daft. We teach children "your body is yours" to keep from harm. What we do not explain is the concept of multiple involvements. Take, for instance, a fist. If I close my fingers, this is my fist, and no one can tell me what to do with it. However, should I decide to touch someone with it (punch), it is generally agreed to be immoral and even illegal.

Why is it that we ignore the destruction sexuality can cause? Ask any faithful husband how he feels when he learns that his wife has been cheating on him, and he will say "I... feel as if someone has crushed my chest... I... I can't breathe..." Why is this violence ignored and why does our society encourage people to disrespect themselves and to hurt others in a way far more damaging than even the strongest fist? Because "it is only sexuality. After all,k who can resist sex?" This is sometimes followed by the most flawed of logical prepositions: "After all, you are only young once." Youth is not equal to sexuality. Newsflash to the masses: You WILL have sexuality until you die. Respect yourself, and you automatically respect others. Embrace loyalty and truth-- for this you only have one opportunity. Youth is a time of confusion and temptation-- and should you refuse temptation to be immoral, then you have actually lived your youth. You will be happy and proud. Shame on those who think themselves aniamls and thus f--k and fight. You are not living except by the medical definition. You embrace brain-death and a death of the emotions. For shame, for I live in a valley of the walking dead! Non-feeling, non-emotional animals try to take my breath and crush my heart, without even recognizing me as a person.

Someone, please, take these beasts out of their misery! Shame on me if I ever become as they, an unfeeling zombie walking around in the valley of the dead.

lego treasure island

Posted 19 October 2003, 12.37 pm by TonyChef

This is a fantastic little game, a simple idea and a lot of imagination.

Lego Treasure Island.

Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo - ONLINE?

Posted 14 October 2003, 1.18 am by firebrand

i'm never getting any work done ever again.

Capcom Online Presents . . . "Addictive game where cute characters yell at each other in Japanese!"

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Props to Green Mamba for bringing the weirdness

Hmph

80s candy bars were pretty good

only because i traded it for a candy bar in the 80's.

lol we all know you don't have a soul ghoti

my soul for some carbs...

But of course!

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