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Posted 19 May 2003, 8.30 pm by The Green Mamba

Escalators … Moving stairs … the most convenient way to advance from one level to the next …

Then why is it that there are so many drooling idiots who have no clue as to the mechanics of escalation? Now I don’t go to shopping malls too often, but occasionally circumstances force me to share my personal space with a bunch of fucking shopping freaks that spend half their life hunting the next bargain. Considering the amount of time they spend in shopping malls it only proves how insanely stupid they really are when they still can’t get on or off the bloody escalator.

There are generally three kinds of escalatarians.

Firstly there are the ones who, for some inexplicable reason, have an uncontrollable fear of anything that moves. They would make a bold approach, but when push comes to shove, they suddenly freeze up and start retreating like dogs trying to reverse uphill. Then when they eventually muster enough courage to brave the mighty moving staircase, they lean forward and grab hold of the rail like pissy babies before they finally take a very shaky first step, holding onto the rail all the way down (Do you know how many people scratch their balls and then hang onto these rails?). Off course by now everybody else has bundled up behind him or her and despite the fact that half of these fuckers suffer from the same pathetic condition, they would vent their annoyance by nudging you from behind while you’re patiently cursing the fucking moron in front of you. Come the other side, dickhead one seems to have gotten used to the sensation of moving, comparing it too cheap hooker sex in his ¼ IQ mind. Now suddenly they have a fear of static things and the whole fucking process is repeated in reverse.

Then there are the famous mall socializers. They are not limited to escalators only, but at least you can go around them anywhere else. These are the mall regulars, who, regardless of whether there are 10 000 or 10 people in the mall, always run into someone they know. What I can’t fully understand is how the fuck is it possible that they always see these people when they’re getting of the bloody escalator … and instead of just saying Howdeefuckingdoodee and moving the fuck out of the way, they’ll form a little conversation circle right in front of the escalator. Could someone please invent some fucking bull-bars for people, so I can send them scattering in all seventy one wind directions without damaging the vehicle. Worst of all, when you politely point out to them that they are blocking the fucking escalator, they look at you as if you had just pissed in their favorite pot plant.

Lastly there are the rare and very elusive escalatarians, who actually know how to use the damn thing. They get on, ride it all the way home, get off and disappear.
I love these people … as for the rest … well.

Sexy Love

Posted 18 May 2003, 9.04 pm by Villager

Love and Sex. Two of my favourite - and yet most troublesome - things in life. Some say Sex is nothing without love, others say its purely an activity of the flesh and that it is, well, wrong, to pretend it has anything to do with something as sophisticated as love. I can sympathise with both, but I find myself agreeing with neither. Being an eighteen year old male with what is probably a normal sexual appetite, the topic of sex has occupied as much of my thinking, if not more, as has love. They're both important to me, but for a long time I was confused as to how they were related, if indeed they were at all.

Love is an emotional concept. It's in my head. It's about having somebody to trust, to talk to, to enjoy time with. To feel all fuzzy deep down about. The romantic ideal is that you fall in love with someone for who they are, then sex is great because it is with that person. You do it because you love each other and it feels good because you love each other. It is an integral part of love as any, despite the physicality of it all. I love because of who my partner is, and how we get on. It is about personality, attitudes and intelligence. As far as I can tell, I am honest when I say I love her not for physical gain. I am happy with her because her company makes me feel good, regardless of what we choose to do.

Sex, let's state the obvious, is a physical desire. The human body prods us now and again (some more than others) into thinking we have to hump somebody. When we do, we feel relieved and usually experience some degree of pleasure. Now, I believe sex is a loving relationship is the very best sex of all; you have emotional understanding, trust, are in tune physically and you have somebody you believe to be great to sleep with and wake up with. You could also attribute some sort of spiritual connection to the act if love is present, but I'm not convinced that's entirely appropriate.

Love, you see, can exist perfectly healthily without sex. Sex too can happen quite enjoyably without anything that could be described as love. Sex is definitely different with love than it is without, but is that enough to call one sex and the other making love? Does emotional attachment change the act from 'intercourse' to making deep emotional bonds? I don't think so. I think it more likely that our desire for loving companionship means that we are inclined to attribute sexual feelings to emotional ties, rather than friction. They are two desires - one physical, one emotional - and, though they can act independently, they complement each other. Love loves sex and sex promotes love. I think it would be a mistake to pretend there was more to it than that.


Posted 16 May 2003, 1.58 pm by Aqua

I'm on the staff of our small school's literary magazine Acorn. The other day, I was proofreading some short stories written by one interesting character in my class, Kyle W. Already I had overheard him talking about how his mom said she can't stop him from smoking pot so he can smoke whenever he wants now. So, that being known, I wasn't too surprised when one of the stories started with "Crackle, snap, puff, puff. She inhaled as much as her lungs would allow." ..Well, it was at least something to that degree. In any case, I decided to have an open mind and read the rest.

The basis of the story?

A girl is "lighting up" for the first time and has been very depressed lately. A boy is with her, and is obviously "experienced" and simply assures her she will be relaxed and content. The girl, upon allowing the effects to sink in, replies that she has never felt this happy in a long, long time. She begins to cry a little. (What might be slightly touching at this time still had me somewhat appaled. It continues.) The girl and the boy study each another's irises and then she says for him to come and sit by him, in a slightly seductive tone, I might add. He does, and she kisses him. He kisses her back. She removes her shirt. He says that this wouldn't be such a bad situation if it wasn't for her "plastic or fake looking arms", but it's still okay. (Wtf?) Then, it ends with some comment on happiness or something, that seems completely irrelavent to the entire situation, or at least not true whatsoever.

Now then, I have to say I have a very bad prejudice when one mixes "happiness" and "drugs" in the same context. Don't get me wrong, I think marijuana should be legalized and therefore controlled immensely so that it is used more responsibly. I would even say that I would use it if I were in pain. My mom said she would have a nice "garden" for that reason as well.

Also, I would like to say that yes, there are those who no matter what they do, never seem to be actually "happy". But here's where I have a problem. When one uses drugs to be "happy", it's just that: "happiness". The drugs cause it, not you. It's an illusion. Some may say that doesn't matter and that if it makes you happy, do it. I say if you can't go out in the middle of an expansive field with no civilization around you (fine, maybe a farm, whatever), and lie down and stare at the clouds and not feel happy and content- then fine, whatever, go ahead and smoke something to be happy because you're hopeless. One should be able to do such a simple thing and have problems be erased, at least temporarily. Afterall, drugs are temporary too, no?

I just think something else would be better than that.


Posted 15 May 2003, 9.19 pm by The Green Mamba

Let’s explore the nature of sheep.

Up until a few hundred years ago, sheep still followed the Shepherd to greener pastures. Modern day Shepherd’s however have adopted the practice of chasing the sheep … or that is what the sheep would like us to think. The truth is that, sometime during the past few hundred years, sheep have grown increasingly intelligent and have managed the art of mind transferal and while the Shepherd may think he is in charge of the sheep, he has in fact just switched roles with them. That’s right, the Shepherd no longer leads the sheep … but rather the sheep are leading the Shepherd … but not to greener pastures.

An excellent example of what I like to refer to as, SHEEP Syndrome is peak hour traffic at an intersection. The first few minutes after the light changes green is fine, but then suddenly everything comes to a standstill. Instead of keeping the intersection clear and waiting for the cars on the other side to move forward, you’ll notice as a few SHEEP move to the middle of the intersection, hoping that the light will not change before the car in front of them can move forward. Obviously the light will change at precisely that moment and prevent everybody coming from the side from moving an inch. This will continue for two to three light changes, before you eventually come across someone who does not suffer from SHEEP Syndrome, who actually stops at the line when he or she realizes that there is no point in moving forward, leaving the intersection clear. Obviously the SHEEP behind her will start hooting, because they have been separated from the rest of the herd … Baaaaa!.

Unfortunately the SHEEP syndrome does not only apply to drivers. Ever seen pedestrians waiting at an intersection? They’ll all bundle up on the edge of the sidewalk, reading, picking their noses or scratching their asses … everything except pay attention to what’s happening around them. One impatient dickhead will then suddenly decide there’s a big enough gap in the traffic to quickly hop-skip to the other side. The rest of the idiots however, aren’t paying attention and start following the dickhead, just like SHEEP. The only cool thing about this is seeing the SHEEP jump when they suddenly realize that there is a whole armada of cars charging down on them.
If you’re lucky, maybe you’ll see one of them bounce off the bulbar on a 4X4 or get splattered by a minibus cruising at twice the speed limit …

Otherwise, just feel safe in the knowledge that you have gained here today … and think about it next time you eat lamb chops. If it weren’t for the fact that butchers are actually part of a secret government organization supposedly combating the potential world domination of sheep, we would have not been in this predicament. Due to sheep’s highly developed survival skills, they are now transferring their stupidity to humans in an attempt to escape slaughter.



Posted 13 May 2003, 2.02 am by firebrand

really . . .

Christian Scientists on the hunt for Dinosaurs (and other science-debunking things)

Black Cat on My Shoulder

Posted 9 May 2003, 1.07 pm by Villager

So much has changed. I had a rough idea of what I wanted to do next so I left. I didn't have much idea of what would happen but that didn't really seem important at the time. I had to get away, you understand. I couldn't stay there, I was stagnating. People and places had become so familiar as to be meaningless. I tried to hold onto the affection I remember so vividly feeling, but I wasn't allowed to. What I once felt so passively walking aimlessly around, eluded my sincerest searches. And that just left the people. The people who, some time ago, promised me my future lay with them. It seemed so natural to believe them, yet without explanation I found myself thinking very differently to how they were talking. I didn't tell them I was leaving. Not until I had to go. Leaving with no explanation was somehow easier than helping them to understand.

At first, doubts began to creep in. If anything the wider world served to confirm the darker of my suspicions and the hollow relationships I endured almost provoked me into thinking I had left something behind to come here. In a sense I did, but the elusive beauty of a nature slowly being torn apart by the advance of man is as sad as it is beautiful. Then followed a time when I allowed - encouraged, even - myself to be distracted by new ideas, new knowledge and a well rounded lifestyle. Trouble is, in the pursuit of stimulation I came no nearer to understanding.

And so, now, I find myself at best satisfied to calmly comtemplate the possibilities, and content myself with the belief that I am closer to understanding myself, if nothing more. Why I was required to change everything else just to see that I hadn't changed at all is still a mystery to me. I once thought the calm, quiet, detached place I grew up in was what I loved dearly. But now, having come so far and seen much different along the way, I realise that the beauty of an ancient village lies not in the history and the architecture, but in the striking absence of people. As that changes, though, I realise that if I cannot find enough people who understand, I'll have to go somewhere where there is at least nobody who doesn't.

Moving out was the best thing I ever did.

The Dream-Quest of Unknown Shaggy

Posted 8 May 2003, 1.32 pm by Shaggy

Greetings and salutations from my long haitus. I will, as you all have no doubt been praying for, post on a much more regular basis now that I have not school issues to worry about. Exams: how they suck and suck until there is no soul left.

At any rate, forms of contemplation have been rapidly altering for me. I suppose, upon retrospect, this is not necessarily a new thing. I discuss this maturation process rather often on the site. Perhaps I am eventually on the path to enlightenment, or perhaps I just am less of a weiner than before.

Yet, my pathways have not become closed simply because I am finished one other year at my University life. Nor am I closed off to the realm of the intellectual merely because I work at Dairy Queen, on the grill, a mindless enterprise in itself, and am going tonight for a meeting at a call centre (even more mindless). No, indeed, my pathways have not been closed, nor am I lazy enough to close them. I am not one to quit school to wonder off on some booze-filled romp. Anyone who has discussed my life goals with me knows that I am at the point of insanity with them...

I will be heard.

Long is the path, and longer still is the destination, but with ever-growing support from the world around me, and with an ever-increasing drive on my part, I will eventually succeed in my goals, and bring the world of my art into a new era. My name will go down with Shakespeare, Lermontov, Dostoyevsky, Homer, Pindar, Sophocles, Dickens, Nietzsche, Poe, Plautus, or Euripides... I will be the new Kipling, the new Stevens, Williams, or Dickenson. My name will be etched alongside Tolstoy and George Eliot, by Joyce and Fichte, Schelling and Schlleiermacher, Hegel and Balzac...

Such is my Dream-Quest, and, like many of Lovecraft's passions, mine will be a collision of old and new style, a form that will be the product of much blood, sweat, and tears.

Indeed, much has already been shed...

And so, I move on to my project list: two novels, a screenplay, poetry, and countless short stories, as well as many more front page articles for the Grinders to look forward to.

Until next time, be you at peace, my friends.

Homo sum: humani nihil a me alienum puto

Ah...the random insanity of it...

Posted 8 May 2003, 2.07 am by Strawberry

Well, here I sit, stumbling across this site again, as I look through all my various bookmarks, avoiding papers to write, tests to study, and things to pack. Why I do this? I don't know. Maybe it's because I lack motivation. It's not that my content of my classes aren't interesting. Some of them are damn interesting, with lots I can get into. It's just...well...everything seems so blah lately. The Spring-time blahs :P not quite, because I've had the "blahs" all this year. Part of it is probably separation anxiety from the friends I made before I transferred here. Part of it is probably the lack of direction I feel in my life now. 2 years ago, it was so easy, I wanted to be an architect. Last year wasn't even that bad, even though I decided architecture wasn't for me at that point in my life. I had friends, I had things to go to, I had a LIFE. I tried this year, really I did, to keep the "life" alive, but with no friends to have it with, it came to an all out flop.
So what do I plan now? Nothing concrete. Go home, work at a fast food joint, try to get to Iowa to see a friend of mine's younger sister graduate, see my younger brother graduate, and possibly run away mid-June to my friend's. Yeah, that sound like a plan to me. Possibly go to Louisiana in September, too. And move either there or Minnesota in January. Hope this works. Yeah...don't even know why I submitted this. Darn random insanity.

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In 2018 I started painting again. This was one of a series of acrylic sketches I did to relearn techniques and revisit my skills from art college.

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Hey Cris, it's as busy here as it was at the end - which is to say, not at all

I wish I could new you guys was here in the beginning of 2020 LOL

OMG I was feeling nostalgic and I can’t believe that AKP is still here! So how’s it going ?

Props to Green Mamba for bringing the weirdness


80s candy bars were pretty good

only because i traded it for a candy bar in the 80's.


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