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AKP interview online...

Posted 17 February 2003, 11.06 pm by kidjuxta

Please chek out the brand new interview with Alex here on www.geocities.com/kidjuxta

Dream a Little Dream

Posted 17 February 2003, 10.27 am by The_Roach

This is a dream I had back in July of last year while I was unemployed. I very rarely remember my dreams within seconds of waking from them, so I try to write them down if they stick for any longer than that. Here's an example of my subconcious:

I got a job. It's at some department store. I'm not entirely sure on the details, but it has something to do with standing around collecting medical information on people and, occasionally, checks. It also has something to do with former NBA All-star Charles Barkley sitting on a metal folding chair looking like, well, former NBA All-Star Charles Barkley. I mention that because he was next to us, being gawked at by the line of people waiting to give us their medical information and/or check. I remember thinking after my first day that I wasn't certain what I'd just done with my day, but at least it was a job. My friend helped me get it. I think it was Bianca.

Bianca is a bitch, but I mean that in the nicest way possible. There's absolutely no denying that she's an utter pain in the ass, but she and I always got on very well in high school. I got along with a lot of bitches in high school. Probably because I didn't particularly care if they were mean-spirited towards everyone else. She's a very talented artist, does these amazing sketches, I mean stunning. Her figure drawing was always spectacular. She's also very, very, white. Quite possibly, the whitest person I've ever seen. Remember that.

After working the second day, we went to some electronics store and I was telling Bianca about mp3 and what could be done with it. She ended up deciding that she wanted to buy a CD-R, portable mp3 player, some bizarre stereo headset, and a cable modem. The store was a little weird. There didn't seem to be any employees, except for behind the counter, and everything was up on fairly high shelves (maybe I should have been looking for a job here). Apparently, everyone was expected to retrieve their purchases on their own. There were a few ladders scattered about. So I helped my friend retrieve her purchases. The cable modem (made by Palm, I don't know why that detail remains with me, probably because I don't think they even make cable modems) was on a particularly difficult to reach shelf and required the tallest ladder to get to. It was sitting by a group of kids who were chatting. When I went to obtain it, the tallest of the three had somehow managed to get his jeans stuck on it, and there was some difficulty in extricating himself from the ladder before I could take it. I think I knew him from somewhere, but I can't place it now.

After all of her purchases had been made, my friend had to do something, go to a movie, or go to work in a movie theatre, something like that. She assured me that her father would be happy to give me a ride home. He was driving her car, some used thing she had just bought. On the drive to my home, I was sitting in the passenger seat, and someone else was sitting in the back. Her father spent the entire ride talking about something of vast social importance, but I'll be damned if I can remember what it was because I was too busy wondering why the hell I was in a car driven by Bill Cosby. I looked at him, mesmerized for most of the drive, and he kept glancing at me in between looking at his friend or the road while he talked. He had these thin sunglasses on, with smoky lenses that you could barely see his eyes through. His expression whenever he looked me in the eye was kinda like "Why are you staring at me? I'm gonna kick your fucking ass if you don't knock that shit off."

After a while, I just turned and looked out the windshield. A green car was making a left turn in front of us. I don't know if Cosby noticed him or not, but we hit him pretty hard. It was a small car, I remember that, because after we hit it, despite being hit in a fashion that would have forced it to slide in front of us, slowing our car until the time in which we would stop, it disappeared underneath our vehicle instead. Cosby didn't slow for a second. He said something like "I'll be damned if I'm letting someone get another insurance claim against me." The next thing I know, there's cops all over the place, and they've all seen the hit and run. It's at this time, when Cosby is about to be pulled over, that I realize I haven't been wearing my seatbelt. I put it on, and woke up.

665

Posted 15 February 2003, 6.57 pm by firebrand

I don't really know how to describe it, but I think it's pretty damn amusing.

665

*masturbates excitedly*

Posted 15 February 2003, 12.01 am by Jake

A little sumpin' sumpin' for all of you computer gamers out there. You'll love me in the morning.

Chapter One

Posted 11 February 2003, 5.20 pm by Arguile

As soon as the clock struck five o’clock, Jake dropped his rag, clocked out, and rushed to start his engine. The concert was at five thirty, and he still had to change out of his work clothes and get his PA system into the trunk; not to mention getting to the gig, which was nearly 15 minutes away from his house. All in all, it seemed quite likely that he’d be late for his band’s first gig… an ominous sign to say the least.
"How the fuck did I know this was going to happen?" he said as he pushed the accelerator to the floor, nearly doing ninety. "I told that prick Klapatch that I needed to get off of work early today because I had an important engagement. Why the hell did he have to be such a dick and keep me until closing?" Furious thoughts ran through his head, but a sudden smile passed over Jake’s face as he imagined what he’d do to Mr. Klapatch if he ever saw him in a dark alley.
Jake brushed these sadistic yet pleasurable thoughts from his mind and instead concentrated on finding a feasible way to accomplish everything necessary this evening in the time allotted. He hoped Amber would be able to find her own ride to the show, because she herself lived 15 minutes out from where Jake lived, and he simply did not have the time to pick her up. Amber was a good girl, though… she’d understand.
At 5:17pm, as he roared into his driveway, Jake threw the car into neutral and ran in the house, undressing as he ran. He darted into his room, found the blue Dickies jumpsuit he was planning to wear to the show, threw it on and darted into the bathroom for a last minute sanitizing session. At 5:19pm, Jake had just finished loading up the gear he needed into the trunk of his hatchback Ford Mustang, and was pulling out of his driveway. It wasn’t until nearly 5:24pm, five minutes after he left the house that he realized he forgot to tell Amber that he couldn’t give her a ride.
"FUCK!" he screamed into the crowded intersection. "She’s going to kill me. I guess I’d better call her… god I’m in for it."
He dialed her number and was expecting to hear Amber’s voice answer the phone with ordinary cheerful greeting he always got, but was greeted by a far less friendly voice on the other end of the telephone. "Yeah?" was the greeting Jake got, and this took him slightly by surprise. It took nearly three seconds for Jake to register that this was instead Amber’s mother on the phone. He adjusted his tone accordingly.
"Hi, Ms. Carry. It’s Jake… is Amber there?"
"She’s asleep," she said, and Jake knew automatically that something was wrong.
"What do you mean she’s asleep? It’s only 5:26, and she said she was coming to our concert tonight."
"She won’t be going to your concert, Jake. Please don’t call again," and with that she hung up the telephone, leaving Jake so stunned he almost plowed into the car in front of him. "Fuck you too, buddy!" he cried out in reaction, even though he knew it was his own fault. Weeks later, Jake came to realize that he should have plowed into that car in front of him; that may have given him an excuse for why he didn’t pick up Amber, or at the least it would end the weeks of torment that were going to follow tonight.

Magicians and BloodWhores

Posted 10 February 2003, 2.01 am by Shaggy

I was his apprentice. I looked at him with awe, and a morbid curiousity. Here was the creature that was going to show me everything I needed to know. Here was the beast that was going to enlighten my path to the Other. Now all I had to do was to follow in his footsteps.

I made the same gestures that he had taught me. Simple tricks, really, nothing more than turning an inaminate object into something it is not. Many magicians have mastered this trick, and moved on to greater things, like creating fire from flesh, telekinesis, and other such talents. Somehow, though, what I am doing seems terribly important.

I turn a living creature into a list of names. These names are members of our audience, members who I have looked at with a morbid interest that I could not truly understand. What were these people to me? They were complete strangers, and yet I felt so interminably important to them, as if I am their savior somehow.

Can you believe it? Me, a savior? The thought alone makes me shiver.

My master reads the list. Simple names, normal names, and names that do not ring up much affection to me, except that I feel worried somehow. I am not terribly sure why, I am not terribly sure how, but I know these are victims, and so it is with this in mind that I whisper to one of the audience members to "think of nothing but thorns."

I close my eyes as the audience member form a circle between my master and I. I begin to count arbitrarily, random numbers, and I close my eyes. I can feel myself becoming faint, becoming light, and I know this is an integral part of the procedure.

The procedure is almost surgical. I begin to feel as if I am a member of the audience, perhaps more than one of the group that forms a circle on our stage. I feel as if I am being lifted out from their chests, and I can feel myself passing through the ceiling. I am now in the sky, floating above everything I have ever known. I can feel the warmth of the sky as I have never felt anything before. I can somehow sense that I cannot be seen, that I am like an insect, too miniscule to be seen by the naked eye, and yet I feel immeasurably powerful. I feel free, like a bird with no wings, like a man with no legs. I am not physical, I am free from the boundries of flesh. I feel like laughing, but I have no voice to bellow out my glee. I am at the edge of the clouds, and I can sense something unseen at the other side, something that cannot be seen by physical eyes, but something, nevertheless, that I can now see in my transcendental state.

Yet, before I pass through the clouds, I begin to be pulled back, and I feel myself entering into the audience members. I can feel them, somehow, and they feel like I have surgically removed a part of them. I somehow know that within a few weeks from leaving this stage, they will die.

All except the man who thought of nothing but thorns, the man that my master did not notice was absent from the excursion to the sky. My master is content with the other souls, as he has stolen enough of them to further perpetuate his goals.

I open my eyes, and somehow manage to convince myself it was all a dream.

ThumbDrive

Posted 9 February 2003, 10.30 pm by The_Roach

It took a little longer than I expected, but I really wanted to give this nifty little device from TrekStor an in-depth examination. You know, the kind you get from local authorities who think you might be trafficking in Turkish black mule heroin. They call it a ThumbDrive, and it may be the coolest portable data storage unit I've ever seen.

It's one of those ideas that I wish I'd had... along with the technical expertise to make it a reality, but that's neither here nor there. Solid-state flash memory has been around for a long time now, but combining it with what's quickly become the most versatile peripheral technology, USB, is something we all should have seen coming.

Less than three inches in length, it's freaking tiny. Anybody who's ever seen the manner in which I choose to live my life knows that this would land me neck-deep in crisis in no time flat were it not for the clip cover that protects the USB connector having a keychain attached. It's a solid cover too. During one of my nervous fits at work, I spent over two hours removing and reattaching the ThumbDrive from it's protective sheath and it's still holding strong so there's little to fear from it accidentally coming loose and becoming lost forever.

Of course, this is all just eye candy and drek. How it performs is what's really important. Using it is simple:

1. Plug it into an available USB port.
2. That's it.

The machine recognizes it as a standard USB storage device and mounts it with an available drive letter. Then you treat it like any other drive on your system and unplug it when you're done. Transfer rates are reasonable (averaging about 1Mb/s), and the capacity ranges from 8Mb to 512Mb.

The optional features... well, these almost made me require a clean pair of shorts. One version of the ThumbDrive has a password lock. Enter your password, or you don't gain access to the drive. No big deal, right? Password protection is almost laughable these days. Well, for all of us cynics, they have the ThumbDrive Touch which utilizes biometric technology to scan your thumbprint and verify it in lieu of password protection, and it's only nominally larger in size. Very cool.

The only problem I have with the drive really stems more from my problems with Windows than any fault in the drive itself. If you use Windows 98, you'll have to install some drivers before the system will recognize and mount the ThumbDrive. The way things are progressing, this problem will more or less phase itself out within a year or two (unless you're stubborn like I am, and then it may never be fixed). ThumbDrive is compatible with Windows 98 and later, as well as Mac OS 8.6 and up. There's no official support for Linux at this time, which I find sadly lacking. Then again, this is at heart a commercial product that's only now starting to break into consumer markets. I wouldn't be surprised to see an independant driver already developed.

....

I've never done a technology review before that I can remember, and it's a bit of a challenge. See, there are two parts of me when it comes to gadgets and gizmos: The geeky part and the practical part. The geek in me is screaming out "JESUS CHRIST! This thing is so cool! I absolutely must have one!" The practical end, however, is asking me what I'd do with such a thing. It's convenient size makes it perfect for working professionals who want to transfer everyday files to and from the office. I am not a working professional and I can't see myself ever really needing to carry around data like that. The amount of available storage could make it handy for use as a backup drive but the price tag on the larger capacity drives make it cost prohibitive when compared to optical disks. The security features on the ThumbDrive Touch will really make things easier for my occasional forays into international and corporate espionage, though...

I guess what I'm saying is that I wonder if there are enough geeks out there to make the ThumbDrive successful with the average consumer. Time will tell.

More info here

stop the insanity

Posted 8 February 2003, 6.53 pm by firebrand

I don't even know what to say

it's a long download (mpeg) so be forewarned.

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Doggybag/baggy_dog is an artist living and working in Barga, Italy. Click here to read about this piece in his own words.


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Props to Green Mamba for bringing the weirdness

Hmph

80s candy bars were pretty good

only because i traded it for a candy bar in the 80's.

lol we all know you don't have a soul ghoti

my soul for some carbs...

But of course!

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