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The Dream

Posted 5 January 2003, 1.35 am by Diva

I dreamt that I died. I was walking through the people at my funeral, seeing who showed up, who even cared and who came for the food. Ahead of me, I saw a casket. I walked up and looked in, as if it were someone else. I kept waiting for me to wake up. Then panic set in. I twirled around and looked at an empty chair. Somehow I knew that it was reserved for my boyfriend/husband. This should be interesting. I wonder who it is. I sat down between these big bouquets of funky flowers and leaned against the casket. It was blue steel, not really my taste. At least they got the color right. I glanced over to the one bouquet; it was from my coworkers. Amy must have picked out the flowers. I looked down and saw the vase and started laughing. It was that fucking candle holder I got for Christmas. The glass was cracked and leaking. They set it on the Dreidel towel I got. Nice to see that they came to some use.

I looked back at the seat. People were weeping and occasionally looking at it. Man, my one friend could buck an Oscar for Drama Queen. "Sympathy hog!" I yelled. She suddenly stopped, her eyes went wide. She couldn't see me. It hit home again. I tried to will myself awake. They say people who die in dreams never wake up. Then again, how do they know that was dream they had? More bullshit studies so doctors can keep busy.

I don't remember dying. Being the curious type, I got up and looked in the casket to see if I could figure out how. No bruises. Car accident or violent act was out. The wrists and neck was untouched. Glad to see I didn't do something stupid. I walked down to this man reading the pamphlet. Could they have chosen a shittier picture of me? Oy vey. Ooh! Funeral Blues by W. H. Auden was printed on the cover. One of my favorite poems. On the other side was Footprints. I carry; correction... carried that poem in my purse. Great, no cause of death.

Looking up, I saw a priest approach the casket. WTF?! Oh great, guys. Giving me Christmas tree ornaments for Chanukah was one thing. The least you could have done is get a fucking Rabbi for my funeral. Now I was pissed. I stormed up the aisle and realized I had no idea what I was going to do. I sat down again between the flowers and banged my head against the coffin. Just as I realized someone was sitting in that seat my arm dangled out of the coffin in front of me, and I screamed. Then I woke up.

No more pizza before bed.

Do you know your arse from your elbow?

Posted 3 January 2003, 5.00 pm by ls42hq

Arse or Elbow You decide!!!

Yule Time Spirit.

Posted 25 December 2002, 9.02 am by arguile

Kris Kringle, a man whose spirit was derived by the Roman Catholic Church to better the spiritual endeavours of the paupers and the less priviledged of society. I suppose it's slightly odd how a "saint" with such humble beginnings is now one of the most recognizeable icons of civilization today. Of course, either you or I could one day become as such, given a pinch of commercialism, and a dash of religious zeal. But it's not the man's spirit I wish to discuss.

People (Americans, to specify) need a reason to feel an emotion or a connection to a cause these days. We need September 11th to feel proud of America; we need a shitty president to realize how great the electoral system could have been. But another shining example is how we need a few days off from work and a fat man in a suit to feel appreciation for what's around us. Santa is a reason for you to be nice to people, and a reason for you to give a gift to someone you appreciate... does that make you feel bad?

Of course it doesn't. It's the season to give, right?

It's ridiculous to need a nationally recognized holiday to understand what giving back to those who have improved our lives. We shouldn't need a holiday to show us who's necessary and who's expendable.

So, I ask: Why is Christmas at the end of the year? If Christmas, at least on the outside, nothing but a time of self-reflection of personal virtues and a chance to buy a $5 gift for someone... why not make it happen more often? Do you remember when you were little, and you used to pretend like you had a birthday every month? If it seemed feasible then, why not now?

Because we're adults, and things are only conveinent sparingly. But if Kris Kingle is a ficticious creation of our own minds, why not at least allow his spirit to live twice a year? Could it possibly be so bad as to spend an extra weekend with your parents? Or to give a cheap-ass gift to your friends? I know none of you are going to do either of the former, but it never hurts to wave to a Santa Claus standing on the side of the road.

The Yule Time is an indefinate seasonal period. Why not make it last all year.


Posted 21 December 2002, 11.19 am by Diva

"Maybe it's an error in the film. Let's take another."

That was thirteen months ago. Thirteen months of x-rays, exams, tests and pills. Thirteen months of silence. Thirteen months of hell. Tumor or scar tissue or inflamation. How fucking hard is it to tell the difference? If we are on the cutting edge, why do I feel like I'm in the stone age?

When you are growing up, life seems endless. Death is something that only happens in the movies. Even breaking a bone is an aberration. Then suddenly, without warning, reality hits you. All of those things that people keep drilling into you are true. Life really is precious. We do not live forever. There really is an end. The end may be sooner than you think.

A woman dies in a movie and I blink. It just doesn't register. The finality of it all just doesn't hit home til I am driving home and come inches from a head-on collision. Now it all makes sense. Everything that we do, everyone that we meet is on a time limit. If you dawdle and put away your dreams for another day, they very well may end up in a box that is hauled away for rubbish.

If I were to leave one lasting impression on this earth, it would be a smile. Click the button and a tape recording of my laughter would fill the room. I realize that it's not the cure for aids, but it's the one thing that represents who I am and what I live for. I have laughed and giggled and smiled my way through even the toughest moments. Who knows, maybe laughter really is the best medicine.

No matter what happens, I only ask one thing. Don't put any sappy crap on a headstone to mark where I am fertilizing the earth. No name, no year of birth and death. Just engrave that stone with the one thing that you think of when you think about me... a happy face. =)

Oy Vey

Posted 16 December 2002, 9.04 pm by Diva

It's a Christmas party. Just say it and get it over with, damn it. Every year it's the same thing. I go through this ridiculous routine of everyone trying to get me into the 'holiday' mood. I'm Jewish. My holiday ended. I try to be polite, but the bottom line is I don't like holiday parties. Why do I have to celebrate someone else's holiday when I don't even celebrate my own?

"So, are you going to decorate your cubicle this year?"
"I'd rather not"
"I got you blue lights."
"Oh joy. Oh rapture. I'd still rather not."
"And a Styrofoam dredel!"
"Oh G-d."

So I put up with the Candy Cane Lane from hell decorations and then it happens. Every year, it's the same thing. One year I am going to get smart and bring a tape recorder. Then I can just set it down and get back to my work.

"Are you coming to the Christmas party?"
"It's mandatory."
"If it wasn't?"
"Why not?"
"For one thing, I could think of twenty other things I'd rather be doing than paying for cheap food and sitting around chatting with people I see all week long. For another, I'm Jewish."
"Well, we get to eat at a restaurant."
*Blank look*
"Well, it's really a holiday party. So your religion counts."
2nd co-worker stops by. "Are you going to the Christmas party?"
1st "It's a Ho-li-day party."
"I'm Jewish, not mentally retarded. Yes, I'm going."
"Oh. Can we borrow the foam dredel to decorate a table for you?"
"Knock yourself out."
"So, are you going to sing?"
"What? Why"
"For the talent contest!"
"Kill me now."

I don't care what you call it, I know and you know that it's a Christmas party. There is no such thing as a holiday party. That's just some politically correct explanation for "Let's not piss off the Jews, they whine too much." Why do people get obsessed with this holiday? When I don't dress up my cubicle with flashing blue lights and a foam dredel I get told to 'get into the ho-li-day spirit'. I think they need to stand behind the Rabbi on that sentiment. Luckily, this year no one is around and I can spend a nice, quiet holiday alone. Usually it's a coin toss as to who drags my ass out of bed early to go sit with complete strangers while being introduced as 'my friend from work who has no family'. There's nothing more unnerving than seeing people look at you like it's the first meal you've ever had in captivity. The last painful part is the gift exchange. "Here, we got this for you so you wouldn't feel left out." I almost mouth the words as they say it. Then I have to look touched and surprised as I lovingly show my brand spanking new bath gel set to everyone. Next year I'm becoming a Jehovah's Witness.

Monkey Lander!

Posted 14 December 2002, 6.21 pm by Noctornus

Monkey Lander, It's a terribly simple game that's loads of fun.
Simple Premise, Collect all the Banana's, and land safely. It's not as easy as it sounds.
Click Here


Posted 14 December 2002, 3.49 pm by Sickan

'So tell me why have you come here?'

'Well I felt like talking, and I figured you were the best suited for the job - listening to me, that is.'

'Oh, really? I'm honored'

'Just don't be...'

'Why not?'

'It isn't much to feel honored about, its just plain crap, if ask me!'

'Well, isn't that why you have come to me - I mean to get rid of the thoughts in your head, or at least try to?'

'Yeah I guess...'

'Well then let me feel honored and tell me what is on your mind.'

'Well apart from the usual stuff I have recently felt alone.'

'Usual stuff?'

'Yeah you know, I tend to get depressed, erhm, well not depressed, but
I tend to be a little less happy when I think about all the shit out there in the world. All those things I cant do anything about anyways. That's the usual stuff.'

'Oh okay, well then you said you felt alone? In what way?'

'Well its really odd, because I am never alone, there is always people around me - I always have a friend over to chill with me, just doing nothing - having some fun.'

'And yet you feel alone? Because you feel you don't belong with the person or..?'

'No no I like being with them, its just that they can't see me as the person I am. They fail to recognized that I am depressed.'

'Have you tried talking to them about it?'

'Yeah well - I have tried to express some of the feelings I have - but they do not listen.'

'How do you know that? Do they not respond or?'

'Well its like they do look at me, they do nod when nodding is needed and they respond shortly with useless phrases like "its going to get better soon, its probably just the winter..."'

'Oh yeah that's not very productive.'

'I know, they just stare at me with blank eyes and they seen dead, not caring about anything but themselves.'

'What do you think they care about?'

'They care about themselves, their lives, you know, the good stuff - like their girlfriends and good things like that.'

'So they are happy and you are not. Well do you think you would like to have a life like theirs?'

'Hmm I don't know, I just want them to listen to me once in a while, its like - they are happy, and then they cant imagine that I'm not - I'm not!
I mean I'm happy for them, but I'm not happy at all.'
What would they need to do in order for you to feel better?'

'Fucking listen to me. How many times do I have to say it??'

'Hey, stop that, I don't want to listen to that kind of thing!'

'Sorry man, I'm just so frustrated.'

'I understand that - just tell me nice and easy what you want them to
do for you, in order to make you happy.'

'All right, well when I tell them that I really hate, I dunno, say my job, I want them to listen to me. I want them to look beyond themselves and realized that I would like to talk about this. I would like for them to listen and help me. They don't really have to give me an answer, they just have to listen to my outlet. I mean is that too much to ask?
Sometimes, my friend can ask me why I seem so "not caring" about his happiness with his new girl. I mean, its like I have to feel happy for them and share their happiness with them, feel glad every time their significant other farts because my friends think its sweet. For crying out loud I cant manage that!! Its just too dumb, I'm not the one in love, I'm the one "in hate" so to say!'

'Nice example... Hmm yeah I get your point. You want them to let you talk and just listen to you while you let all the things out, just like now.'

'Yeah, but I don't want you, no offence, I want THEM to listen, not you.'

'Non taken and I completely understand that.'

'So what do you suppose I should do?'

'Tell them'


'Just tell them that you don't feel they are listening to you.'

'Well I don't think I want to do that, I mean they don't seem to know
what they are doing wrong, they might take it as an attack...'

'Well if they are your friends - they you should be able to tell them the good things about them as well as the bad. That's what friendship is all about - at least that's what I think about it.'

'Yeah... perhaps, I need to think about that.'

'You do that - get back to me will you? If they are not willing to help you with your problems then you know I'll be here for you.'

'Yeah I know, thank you - I already feel a bit better. Thank you so much.'

'No prob. I hope you get this sorted out.'

'Yeah me too - See ya'

'Later dude.'


building bridges

Posted 13 December 2002, 5.46 am by marilee

So cool. Sooo very cool... and, if you're American, you can win money! Money and bridges, what could be better?

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This piece was inspired by Andy Warhol's famous 'marilyn monroe' piece in which the same picture is used several times to create a pattern. If you look closely, you'll realise there's a lot going on here with the detailed background against the simple pixelated images create a convergence which I thought would be nice to experiment with. It was created in Photoshop and took me 5 hours to perfect.

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Props to Green Mamba for bringing the weirdness


80s candy bars were pretty good

only because i traded it for a candy bar in the 80's.

lol we all know you don't have a soul ghoti

my soul for some carbs...

But of course!


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