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Thoughts on a Bad Day

Posted 30 October 2002, 10.01 pm by Shaggy

As a character in Richard III (Shakespeare's rendition) once said, "Now is the winter of our discontent." Indeed, winter is approaching, and the leaves are starting to change colour.

In fact, I was rather cold walking to/from school today.

At any rate, this may come as a shock, but I have been thinking. What is it about the concept of an Outsider (read: Albert Camus' The Outsider, you'll thank me) that is important? Is it the concept of différance/différence that amuses people, the concept that language, as in a structuralist sense, is composed of differences? Is it important that there be white, so that it can define black?

Being the type of person that one could safely call eccentric (among many things), I agree that I relish in my differences and my "outsideness." It is what defines me as opposed to every other person who matches my biographical details (20 year old English honours student in long distance relationship, let's call me Student A). It is what makes me Student A as opposed to Student B.

Yet, how is this possible, that I exist merely through the characteristics of those who can be classified as "absolutely not me?"

One set of footprints in the sand, who was guiding me all along?

I often find myself striving to be a "good" person, and yet, especially in light of my social-perspective experiments as of late (for those who didn't get a chance to read them, I basically embodied everything that I am not, as far as morality is concerned, in order to deconstructionalize myself, and to gain further perspective into this thing called "Reality"), I find myself wondering: is there good without evil? I do not mean in a strictly biblical sense, in which case you have both good and evil, and to believe in one theoretically is a belief in the other. I mean, in the moral and Real sense, the "good inside of us." Can we say that a veterinarian is a good person if we do not have anyone who is cruel/insensitive to animals?

Perhaps there is no answer. Perhaps it is as easy as "yes and no." Perhaps I have to lock myself up in a monastary for decades in order to truly find the answer, but until then...

I will strive to be good, regardless of evil. Whether or not evil is necessary, I will not consider, but rather, I will be its brother, hoping to become its police officer.

Thank you.

Honey I'm Hooome!!

Posted 29 October 2002, 11.44 pm by Sickan

I have had a plan this weekend with a friend of mine, Jack. We were to practice for the Danish Championship in Tekken 4. I could not play with him because of my broken arm, but I could just hang out. I kinda had to, because min roomie were to have his girlfriend over. That’s just cool.

Then I got a call from Jack and he cancelled our ‘date’ because his girlfriend came home from Spain earlier than expected. Now I had a little problem, there were nowhere for me to go in Aarhus where I live… I could not visit my boyfriend because that was just too far away and stuff. Then I made a decision, one that even seemed wise at the time – I could visit all my friends in my home town, I hadn’t been there for almost 3 months – and I was starting to miss them.

I hurried to get my train and off I was. I quickly heard that they were having a party at an apartment we call ‘The Castle’ – cool! I was all in for it and exited to see them all again. I don’t usually drink and I had no intentions to drink that night even thought it seemed like a good idea, but I was doped up on painkillers. Anyways…

I got to my home town where my father were to pick me up and drive me home to his place where I could have my bags and stuff. I got out of the train and looked for him in the dark and rainy station – he was nowhere to be seen. I found my phone and called his number, both cell and stationary but there was no answer.

I looked around and waited about ten minutes before I decided that he was probably not coming. I wasn't really surprised, after a whole childhood where you haven’t been picked up one single time after a trip with the class, you just stop expecting stuff like that to happen, but one always dream.

I walked, admittedly pathetic and somewhat depressed, with my broken arm, a big bag pack and soaked clothes through town – hoping to get a hold of my father – but at last I stopped and got a cap out to my friends place, ‘The Castle’.

When I got there and the door opened I couldn’t help but smiling all over my face. I had really missed them – them being the inhabitants of the apartment and the one I in my mind immediately related to that place. I was the first one to arrive.

Not soon after they all stumbled in the living room and there was crowded with people I had seen a couple of times before and people who know some of my inner secrets. The scenery was really funny. See, there is a good reason that we call ‘The Castle’ ‘Castle’ – it is a very good remake of one. The walls are painted like they were big rocks placed on-top each other, there are small dragon-skulls over the doorways (keep in mind we are all role-players here), there are live-role playing outfits hanging in one end of the living room, there are swords, shields and other combat stuff on the walls, there are several chain mails and other really nice stuff. Everything home made.

Well everyone were surprised to see me and made fun of me (cause of that fucking arm) and it was great to be ‘home’. They all sat down and I chatted to my people for a time. They all seemed so happy and satisfied. It was nice to see that. Unfortunately I got a huge headache after a couple of hours and I was tried as hell – so just after midnight I had to go home, well not home but I could sleep at a friend who would stay at him girlfriend. Cool. So I wandered across town to his place.

As I was walking my phone rang – it was my father. I could hear he had been sleeping. He realized what time it was and apologized so many times and he was truly sad that he had fallen asleep. In any other case a 19 year-old girl wouldn’t matter, but I was hurt and sad that he once more had ’forgotten’ about me and left me there.

But nice as I am I said that there was no need for him to worry I wasn't mad, I would come visit him tomorrow. Cool! And we said goodnight. I arrived to my friends place.

I placed my ass by his computer and logged on, and my boyfriend was on – so I stayed on for quite some time, after a while my pains vanished. Soon time had passed us by and it was early morning. It knocked on the door and it was my friend, he how lived there.

He needed some clean clothes - I could see that he was somewhat wasted. I asked him how his night had been and he looked at me and started blabbering about his girlfriend and how lame she sometimes were and stuff like that… and I was kicked back in time 3 months to be exact. I suddenly understood everything and I remembered why I had moved and I didn't miss them anymore – I just wanted to go home – back to my new world.

Now I love them all and I DO miss them. I just don’t miss those whiney bastards they sometimes turn into – I hate that! I hated my father because he made me feel like little left-all-alone-in-the-world-girl, he made me feel as if I was incapable of doing things on my own. Which I know is wrong but that’s just the feeling I got.

I must admit that I have thought about the symbolism in the weather as well. When I left Aarhus it didn't rain at all, as soon as I got to my home-town it pissed down and it was so dark and depressed. Heh… funny how that works.

Well thank you for listening to ME bitching.

Peace




Reader Submission #87198527

Posted 28 October 2002, 9.03 pm by Alexander

This is a reader submission from Chronocidal, which between you and me I don't think is the name his mother calls him.

Rite of Passage:

My friends and I were driving by the dormitories in Manhattan, Kansas, and I observed a couple of college-age students sitting outside and shooting the breeze; I realized something when I saw the simple scene playing out before my eyes… I never got to lead the life that they very well could be taking for granted. I've never lived the stereotypical “have fun now, make up for it later” lifestyle that’s running rampant in America’s ghettos and suburbs, and I suppose I feel like I've been scammed out of a very important piece of my life. Even my future’s foreseeable plan of attack doesn't involve the raging teenage angst that I've almost cried out in anguish for. Do I really wish I was living that life, or am I suffering from some sort of adolescent cry for normalcy that has been reoccurring more and more frequently as of late?

I suppose that delving into my previous experiences with my social peers would be helpful in unearthing the reasons behind my sudden ill temperament. My high school days, which seem all too previous for having occurred less than 3 months ago, were relatively uneventful. I was the ordinary smarter-than-school intellect and frequently found myself neglecting my school work due to lack of patience and/or lack of willpower to make myself do something that I felt was too trivial to apply brain power towards… but I feel my current situation has to deal more with my relationships with students more than it does with books and teachers. I never went out and did the party scene as much as numerous people I knew; it wasn't so much that I wasn't cool enough to be invited to parties, as is the case with a growing number of intellectual teenagers these days, but I ordinarily didn't feel the desire to immerse myself in the superfluous partying lifestyle that I saw my friends diving into headfirst. Michelle would invite me to parties, Scott would hold parties and invite Chuck and I, and I have several other acquaintances which would periodically host parties to which I was invited.

Something about that lifestyle never appealed to my specific taste in fun, I suppose it was the fact that I saw my step-father and mother in their current states (I usually hypothesized that I wanted to be the complete opposite of my family that resides in the same housing complex as I did… an ordinary reaction, I've come to conclude) and I found myself not wanting to live their current lifestyle. My mother is a hypocritical, drunken excuse for a matriarch, much the same as my sister (Angela) is, and my step-father is a washed out ex-Army depression case. I think that, albeit I like to play my life out to a more grandiose level than it should be taken, I am a relatively normal child. Which makes my lack of excitement at the prospects of partying all that more disturbing to me… if I don't show any outward signs of horrible exclusion from the rest of 18 year olds, why should I feel any different about certain situations than my friends?

I hope that people who party and read this don't feel like I'm being condescending towards them at all, because that isn't the purpose of this self-discovery; however, I feel that the reason that I never immersed myself in the popular culture evident all around me is that I don't want to feel like I have to grow out of anything else. Partying, drinking, and doing drugs is something that ends with age, and I don't ever want to feel like I have to reach a certain coming of age to realize who I am. People who have recovered from doing drugs have some life-altering event take place that shakes their faith in their current lifestyle… I don't want to look back on my life and say that I honestly regret any of the actions I've undertaken in my short stay here. I hope that perhaps I'll be able to tell my children, which I do plan to have one day (sooner than most people), that I did what they're doing at the moment once in my life, but I learned my lesson and tuned my life around before something catastrophic happened.

I suppose the underlying factor in all of this is that I've found someone who I feel like I can feel complete with, regardless of whether or not I'm in the scene I'm supposed to be in. I suppose that teenagers and college students party and do the drug scene to fill an empty void in your life, and I'm sure that most rehabilitation centers tell their patients that they need to find something to take the mind off of the void they feel without drugs… I suppose at the moment I've found the occupation of that void naturally inherent in my soul. Who knows what will happen in the future, but I'm thankful for now and as long as I can possibly conceive that Ashley’s part of my life and part of my upbringing… the fact that she doesn't disapprove of my seemingly unnatural lifestyle shows me that I'm not as against the grain as I previously conceived.

I suppose that every person has to achieve a certain rite of passage so that they too can come to a strikingly similar conclusion I've come to; I suppose another way to put that would be to say that everyone has to find their own Ashley. I still have some scruples about my life as it is, due mainly to it’s oddities from the normal, but at the same time I like to think that my life has been enriched by its oddities and idiosyncrasies. I have no problems with others living the life that they choose to live (to do anything else would be condescending and overly-judgmental on my part), but I have to choose the path that my own life will have to tread. I'm happy with where I am.

Documents on the Beltway Sniper

Posted 27 October 2002, 2.39 pm by Craig


Visit Site.

Ultima Ratio Regum

Posted 27 October 2002, 11.38 am by Jake

Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson is a jet-fueled romp through a geographically skewed, post-apocalyptic futuristic society. It introduces a very Neuromancer-like Metaverse, which is the digital equivalent of the real world, albeit where everything is related to information.

Action in this novel switches almost seamlessly between Reality and the Metaverse, which shows Stephenson's proficiency as an author. The plot is driven mainly through the character development and setting (ironically enough, the lead character is named Hiro Protagonist), and Stephenson does a great job of blending action into the plot so as not to bore the reader.

Throughout the story, there are several perspective shifts, which in fact don't affect the pacing and cohesion of the story, but actually give this already atmospheric novel more depth. Stephenson's writing style is a force to be reckoned with, also. When leafing through this book, his style is all over the place.

With a God-given knack for imagery and his spitting out lines such as "It feels like being massaged with a hundred ball peen hammers", you know you're in for a reasonably entertaining ride. Bristling with cultural criticism and sprinkled with a generous bit of Sumerian history, the sheer size of the book (438 p.) may turn off some readers.

But if you're looking for a good, fun read to kill some time, Snow Crash might be just what you need.

To get you in a Hallowe'en mood...

Posted 27 October 2002, 7.57 am by Acheron

This site is just packed with monochomism-like, text-based, goodies.

67 bourgeois die, who cares?

Posted 26 October 2002, 6.22 pm by Acheron

The gory end to the recent siege in Moscow gives us our first real chance to examine not only reactions to terrorism, but especially those of the Americans following September 11. Certainly, the "axis of evil" and its many God-hating minions have been busy these past thirteen months, but this is the first visceral example where a terrorist group has from the outset been blamed.

My question is why answer violence with violence? The current Russian government, since Putin's election, has enacted a surprisingly un-democratic campaign into Chechnya for the past three years.

Now, call me silly, or politically uninformed, but is it not the duty of a "democratic" government to listen to the demands of the people? If there is a separatist movement in a region of a country, is it more in line with the premise of your government to talk, vote, and accept; or is it the way of the democrat to drop fuel-air bombs over villages of women and children? Is all of this worth the price of two of your own soldiers a day, on average? If that is the death toll among the trained and equipped Russian soldiers, what must be the death toll among the rebels?

One Russian was quoted as saying, "Putin has only one choice. [U.S. President George W.] Bush showed the world what to do with these bastards after September 11. It's Putin's turn to liquidate them in Russia." I suppose the aspect of such statements that disturbs me most is that, whether or not they like it, these people are citizens of Russia. Regardless of their religious or political beliefs, they are countrymen to the people they held hostage, and to the soldiers who kill them.

It scares me when the prevalent belief among a country is that part of its population should be, "liquidated."

Play Gameboy Online

Posted 26 October 2002, 11.21 am by Craig


This site is Great! Play loads of the classic gameboy games in a matter of seconds.

Visit Site.

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They were done for an exhibition a couple of years ago . They asked for something to so with the summer. They are mixed media and oil paint on metal advertising boards - for ice cream.


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Hmph

80s candy bars were pretty good

only because i traded it for a candy bar in the 80's.

lol we all know you don't have a soul ghoti

my soul for some carbs...

But of course!

Yo ! Does this work ?

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