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The Great Filing System that is my Brain

Posted 3 October 2002, 4.54 am by firebrand

We fashion memories from scraps in the fabric of time.They are never an unbroken line; each is just a snapshot or a fly caught in amber. These memories are part of me, and yet they ARE me.

Some we share, others we cling to as if voicing them will somehow take them away from us. As if we will lose that part of us . . . .

I remember watching someone sleep, and having the urge to kiss him. For no reason at all. For some reason the draw of red lips, slightly parted, was almost more than I could bear. Something inside pushed me towards him, straining to feel the silken slip of lip on lip. Something always pulls me back.

I remember the cold rough concrete in downtown Knoxville, curled up in a corner next to a bridge. The smell of spilt beer on the walkway above and the texture of the pants I was wearing. The hot, wet tears cascading down my face, and the sobs bubbling up from my chest. I remember trying to be silent when someone passed by so they wouldn’t hear my shame.

Memories affect all the decisions I make and all the feelings I have. They can pick me up when I am down, or stop me in my tracks. I can box them up and shove them in the back of my mind, putting off the inevitable day when they resurface. I can share them with my friends or squirrel them away in a diary. All these snatches of time – these instants – make me who I am.

Cybar-Lovah? more like Cyber-Loser

Posted 2 October 2002, 2.18 am by firebrand

Go Here, Fools.

requires quicktime; i'd reccommend one of the lower bandwidth versions.


Posted 1 October 2002, 8.54 pm by Alexander

All the skills I use on a regular basis and those that I've got the most use out of are self-taught. Not necessarily basic life skills like reading, writing and arithmetic but certainly all that I do that I consider 'artistic' or expressive. I've taught myself how to play multiple instruments, to build websites and sing, write songs, mostly how to draw and paint. How important is it to be self-taught? Given the option, would you choose tutelage and guidance from one who is experienced over working it out yourself?

In my case, the skills I list above and anything that comes from them comes directly from me, rather than through a filter of other people's preferences and decisions as to effectiveness. On the other hand, often they lack discipline, are less effective and harder to communicate than classically taught examples of the same activities. I can't read music, so I can't use that method to learn or teach other people how my songs should sound. I can't really read guitar tab terribly well either. The fact that I've written literally hundreds of songs that have been enjoyed by thousands of people in my mind underlines the non-essential nature of such accepted methods.

Ironically, I would like to pass on my skills and share my knowledge with others. How valid is my guidance when a lot of the time I just 'know' things are right? It's hard to teach someone how to play the guitar without falling into the same trap I tried successfully to avoid - you're not teaching someone how to play an instrument, you're teaching them how YOU play an instrument. It's convoluted in the extreme, and those exponents who have qualifications in particular art forms (which is a fairly ludicrous concept when you really analyse it) are wont to decry autodidacts like myself as fauvists, naive or (hopefully) idiot savant.

Of course, all the above applies mainly to what falls under 'the arts'. I don't think many people sit down and learn quantum mechanics without even a book to steer them. Then you can add natural talent into the equation - do some people learn things faster due to an inbuilt propensity for it, or do these people just naturally learn fast and take an interest in a particular metier?

It's an interesting train of thought, and brings up a lot of questions. Think of the skills you possess and the things you're good at. How much of that skill do you attribute to schooling, training and external influence, and how much to your natural abilities? Have you ever found yourself to be really good at something you don't enjoy?

Moving On

Posted 30 September 2002, 10.09 pm by Shaggy

I often feel like I am possessed. The most obvious of times, the moments when some spirit seems to sweep from above and inhabit my body, is usually as I walk home from school. It is at this time that I begin to doubt myself, begin to wonder how I have managed to make it this far. Especially when you consider the fact that, just four short years ago, I couldn't conceive of moving on with my life at all.

Why is it that it feels this way? Is it because I do not trust myself with my future, that elusive and sometimes daunting task that looms above my head, waiting to rip me to shreds with its many teeth? Is it because I am an artist, something sublime, and as such am touched by something divine, something that allows me to see into things differently? Or am I just mystifying my role here on earth?

Or am I just slightly crazy? Everyone of us is slightly crazy, it is why psychologists have such a problem on their hands when they attempt to prescribe mental institutionalization. Is this my Bane, speaking to me from some place that doesn't exist?

Is it perhaps, that I am actually possessed, living a world with more than one soul trapped in this shell of a body? Indeed, my memory is often hazy, at best, and I do not usually remember origins to tangent thoughts, studies, or even people (very well).

"I have this condition."

No, I think I have not yet touched upon what this feeling is, if indeed it can be categorized as a feeling or emotion.

Are my appentencies at fault, or is it something else entirely?

I turn 20 in a few days. I'm almost as young as my collective subconscious. Perhaps there are holes in my memory because we are the young, while the Old remain unseen, left in the shadows, in a realm which exists inconceivable to our intelligence.

I have seen the pathway, I have seen visions of this other side, yet no matter how hard my mind wraps around this issue, I cannot see how the pathway can be created, I cannot see how I can bridge this gap that I can sometimes mirror in my dreams. How can I come down from my perch, or, perhaps, how can I re-elevate myself, bringing the particular in my hands to the Real, to the Truth.

My tongue is an eye, indeed, yet there are somethings the eye cannot see, and other things the tongue cannot tell.

There exists something else, I can feel it in my bones. Laugh at me all you will, but it is possible to climb up and down from the perch, and I hope to be reminded, I hope to climb back up on the perch but this time, I will not sacrifice my sensation for the journey. I will bring the flesh, for the flesh is a member of the particular, a subset if you will, and I will bring sensation, which invariably comes from the flesh.

There exists somewhere else, somewhere which we have not seen for thousands of years.

I am not crazy.

Would you like an apple pie with that?!?!?!?

Posted 30 September 2002, 5.23 pm by Craig

This made me laugh very much...
Visit Site.

Daft Punk: Discovery

Posted 30 September 2002, 3.58 am by Acheron

I'm sorry, so terribly terribly sorry. Let's never fight again.

Sometimes there's a harsh reaction to a band that changes its sound, especially when these changes result in a more polished, "catchy" sound.

I was just so... hung up on Homework. I'm sorry, it was all I had. I was grasping at straws.

I never realized that our relationship could move beyond that point, transcending all barriers, expanding to all instruments.

Please, please forgive me.

It took an awful long time, over a year, for me to finally come to my senses, baby. All along I knew, "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" got me to our special place, but... I somehow wrote off the rest. I'm sorry, honey, I had my earplugs in. I judged the shine, not the car.

But then I saw them. It started innocently, safely, with the vid for "Better, Harder, Faster, Stronger."

But... the story... it just sucked me in. I went back for a one-night stand and you put a ring on my finger.

Take me. Take me now.

I came back for more. Even "One More Time" hit the spot. I'd heard it so many times before, but... it suddenly just clicked.

You were so far ahead of me, you were on a different plane.

But then you took me back.

I saw "Digital Love", the video. I fell in love with the characters... they were a part of your being. I was taken away, lost in a maelstrom of bleeps and electro vox. I felt like it was being poured on me.

It only gets better from here baby. Let's not fight again.


Posted 28 September 2002, 2.30 pm by Jake


I really don't know.


Posted 28 September 2002, 4.12 am by Sickan

Grinder submission from our newest member, Arch! Welcome to akpcep.

What is my life worth?
Is it money worth?
Has it any value?
Can it be purchased?

What is my Soul worth?
Is it money worth?
Has it any value?
Can it be purchased?

What is my Body worth?
Is it money worth?
Has it any value?
Can it be purchased?

If my life shall be given away..
Should it be to Satan?
Should it be to God?
Should it be to you?
Or should it be cast away?

If my Soul Should be purchased..
Should it be to Satan?
Should it be to God?
Should it be to you?
Or can it be rejected?

If my Body should be stolen..
Should it be to Satan?
Should it be to God?
Should it be to you?
Or can it be pitched away?

Of Earth I came..
Of people i was hate of..
Of Those shall I vanish from..
Goodnight to whom ever was listing..

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This is again from the 'Faces of Death' cycle. In this piece, the mottled effect was produced by flicking turpentine at the image once it was smeared into the ink.

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80s candy bars were pretty good

only because i traded it for a candy bar in the 80's.

lol we all know you don't have a soul ghoti

my soul for some carbs...

But of course!

Yo ! Does this work ?


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