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Wait..what?

Posted 27 July 2002, 10.42 pm by Jake

I have come to realize one thing,. I don't know. Between shuffling my personal life, work time and all of the various things that are zipping back and forth within my family life, I just don't know. I'm lost, in a sense. I haven't taken time to do much at all other than to cater to the needs of my family and friends. Hell, I haven't even taken the time to write anything for this website. It makes me feel somewhat guilty, but then I realize the fact that all of my priorities have taken a course of re-alignment. I've become more preoccupied with the physical and emotional aspects of life than I have for my own creativity. I haven't drawn or painted anything in about two weeks, I haven't written anything (except for pointlessly personal journal entries) for about a month. I'm not really slacking off, just stalling. For what reason I do not know.

I just realize the fact that something is going to happen, and I'm steeling myself for it as I write this. What's going to happen? No clue. It's just this impending feeling of potential problems. Portentious feelings have been clogging my brain for weeks. I can't avoid them.

For many of you, my diatribe may come off as mindless bullshit ranting, but this is a catharsis of sorts. I feel as if I owe something to my own creativity, but to what extent? I remain clueless, and wait for something to happen. Maybe that's my problem. I'm waiting. I'm not going out and changing anything, I'm just sitting on my ass waiting for it to come along and present itself. Maybe I should get up from this chair. Maybe I should go do something important right now.

Just wait here for a minute, I'll be right back....

Who are you?

Posted 27 July 2002, 8.10 pm by Craig


Take the "Which Internet Personality Are You?" quiz!!!.

I'm a dogbomb...

Hot or Not

Posted 25 July 2002, 4.49 pm by Craig


The creators of hotornot.com are proud to present:

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Go submit your weblog and find out what other people think!!.

The Wrong way...

Posted 23 July 2002, 3.12 pm by Craig


Holy shit, something strange has happened to google!!

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Physical ownership of self

Posted 19 July 2002, 11.00 pm by Alexander

The increasing popularity of body modification - piercings, tattoos, scarification etc - is arguably testament for the most part to a shift in societal values. But let's factor in what I believe to be a more important and potentially more revealing aspect of this 'climate change' in body image. As our world changes, so do we (inevitably) so it is near impossible to separate the two aspects, but taking a wider view, the changes in how we perceive society reflect how we perceive ourselves.

Our physical shell has become more than just a vessel. More than a housing for a hungry stomach, an active brain and (for the sake of argument) a directionless soul. I would postulate a link between increasing commercialisation and our view of our corporeal form as a 'hanger' for designer label clothing or other fashionable items. As the world becomes an advertising hoarding, so too do our bodies. Hence we are not only unperturbed by paying to advertise The Gap, we in some cases actively seek to do so.

Although tattooing in particular has crossed from the tribal/alternative scene into mainstream with apparent ease, more extreme cases are still the bastion of the 'underground'. This could be symptomatic of the 'taking back' of the body from the generic, packaged corporate object it can increasingly easily become. In each case, such body modification can be interpreted as a reclaiming of the vessel by the soul.

There is no real need any more to separate oneself from another social group using body modification. The perceived segregation of different cultural subgroups has blurred so much in recent years as to make it more redundant than ever. I foresee this rapid reduction in hard distinctions increasing as society becomes more and more homogenous. When society itself becomes StarBucks and Subway, the consumers become more individualistic by default. They have to, even by small degrees. Having a tattoo or a pierced lip is no longer taboo, or seen as a particularly radical feature. While you would think the increased number of modified bodies would lead to a broader homogeneity, rather it leads to more and more potential differences between us. It's no longer have you a tattoo or not, it's where is yours and what is it of?

As such, body modification is like a barcode. Before long, as the percentage of the population who have chosen to mark themselves as 'unpure' or 'customised', we will recognise one another not by skin colour or accent but by number and extremity of piercing, size and complexity of tattoo, inventiveness of implant or choice of plastic surgery. These factors will go into the melting pot to make us who we are. Because we have taken control and designed ourselves.

As religion and the concept of a divine creator dwindles in the public consciousness our debt to him/her dwindles with it. We are quickly learning that our corporeal aspect is ours and ours only and should be taken ownership of. Abuse it, perfect it, customise it. It's a shift I relish as before we can truly relate to one another, it is arguable that we should know ourselves. The best way to know anything is to explore and experiment and to take control.

Hopefully soon our bodies will cease to be something we use to exist while we wait for it to fail on us and become a canvas, a soapbox and a means of expression and self-discovery. The societal shift that allows us to make the choice in the first place is the first step to a more enlightened and empowered world, and a more self-assured, open-minded and accepting climate in which to enjoy who we are.

Death and Sickness...

Posted 18 July 2002, 2.25 pm by Sickan

My new job as a Home Help I see a lot of really sick and dying people… and it take some time to get used to all the illness and just know what to say to people.

The old hags at work tell me that I’ll get used to the changing diapers and the washing them and all those psychical gross stuff I see every day. And I guess I some day can shut it out. I really hope so!

When I began to work there I didn't think that I would be sent out to people who were really bad and just minutes away from leaving this world. The first week I was a ‘kid’ which means I just looked at the others doing stuff, watch and learn kinda thing.

After a while I began to help and to do things by myself. Even get my own clients – nice in a way because I have learned a lot and I visit a few interesting people [by all means the fewest are interesting – but still…]

I visited a very sick lady with lung-cancer and she was in a really poor condition, she did not have long time to live in – I could tell as soon as I laid eyes on her. She was a little woman, about 160 cm. tall and really really skinny.

She lived with her husband, who were just fine and really nice to his beloved wife. It was not too hard to tell that he was scared that she would pass away soon.

They were both really nice to me and that does my job so much easier. It was immensely hard to be with her, she had the worst pains and she got black marks by just lifting her arms.

Monday morning I had her as my second person on my paper and I went to her house. When the husband opened the door I could see something was wrong, he looked at me with tears in his eyes, and said: ‘she is on her way now’ – I rushed to her room and didn't know what in the world to do. I was about to just run away.

When I opened the door she looked at me and smiled. Her little hand reached out for mine and I took it. Behind me stood her husband. I could hear him cry. ‘Soon I’ll be another place, a good place’ she said and closed her eyes.

I hold her hand and ran my fingers through her hair as she died. Quietly and with a little satisfied smile.

Her husband sat down by her and I called a nurse. I should have called her when I realized she was dying, but I didn't. In a way it felt wrong to call her, and she would just have arrived after she had passed away.
I took the rest of the day off.
I really hope that I never expirence such a thing ever again. It was a mixed feeling expirence, on the one hand I was calm and glad that she finally got peace and on the other hand I wached helpless as a person passed away.
Peace

pr0n

Posted 16 July 2002, 11.48 pm by marilee

The one complaint that we at AKpCEP get is: "Not enough pr0n!!" So boys and girls, here is your chance to get your daily fill of pr0n on AKpCEP. Of course, this isn't just your regular, average, everyday pr0n... this is ascii pr0n!!

Oasis of good in an evil desert

Posted 16 July 2002, 10.10 pm by Alexander

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Kittens are the only pure source of good left in the world. it was with joy in my heart that I stumbled upon Rate My Kitten, a cornucopia of cute.

Think about all the bad shit that happens in the world, all the money you owe and all the times your heart has been broken, then Click this link. If you don't go "awww!" then you might just be dead. Or Roach.

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In 2018 I started painting again. This was one of a series of acrylic sketches I did to relearn techniques and revisit my skills from art college.


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Props to Green Mamba for bringing the weirdness

Hmph

80s candy bars were pretty good

only because i traded it for a candy bar in the 80's.

lol we all know you don't have a soul ghoti

my soul for some carbs...

But of course!

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