My new job as a Home Help I see a lot of really sick and dying people… and it take some time to get used to all the illness and just know what to say to people.

The old hags at work tell me that I’ll get used to the changing diapers and the washing them and all those psychical gross stuff I see every day. And I guess I some day can shut it out. I really hope so!

When I began to work there I didn't think that I would be sent out to people who were really bad and just minutes away from leaving this world. The first week I was a ‘kid’ which means I just looked at the others doing stuff, watch and learn kinda thing.

After a while I began to help and to do things by myself. Even get my own clients – nice in a way because I have learned a lot and I visit a few interesting people [by all means the fewest are interesting – but still…]

I visited a very sick lady with lung-cancer and she was in a really poor condition, she did not have long time to live in – I could tell as soon as I laid eyes on her. She was a little woman, about 160 cm. tall and really really skinny.

She lived with her husband, who were just fine and really nice to his beloved wife. It was not too hard to tell that he was scared that she would pass away soon.

They were both really nice to me and that does my job so much easier. It was immensely hard to be with her, she had the worst pains and she got black marks by just lifting her arms.

Monday morning I had her as my second person on my paper and I went to her house. When the husband opened the door I could see something was wrong, he looked at me with tears in his eyes, and said: ‘she is on her way now’ – I rushed to her room and didn't know what in the world to do. I was about to just run away.

When I opened the door she looked at me and smiled. Her little hand reached out for mine and I took it. Behind me stood her husband. I could hear him cry. ‘Soon I’ll be another place, a good place’ she said and closed her eyes.

I hold her hand and ran my fingers through her hair as she died. Quietly and with a little satisfied smile.

Her husband sat down by her and I called a nurse. I should have called her when I realized she was dying, but I didn't. In a way it felt wrong to call her, and she would just have arrived after she had passed away.
I took the rest of the day off.
I really hope that I never expirence such a thing ever again. It was a mixed feeling expirence, on the one hand I was calm and glad that she finally got peace and on the other hand I wached helpless as a person passed away.
Peace

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The one complaint that we at AKpCEP get is: "Not enough pr0n!!" So boys and girls, here is your chance to get your daily fill of pr0n on AKpCEP. Of course, this isn't just your regular, average, everyday pr0n... this is ascii pr0n!!

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I've said it before and I'll say it again. Kittens are the only pure source of good left in the world. it was with joy in my heart that I stumbled upon Rate My Kitten, a cornucopia of cute.

Think about all the bad shit that happens in the world, all the money you owe and all the times your heart has been broken, then Click this link. If you don't go "awww!" then you might just be dead. Or Roach.

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Here is a reader submission from no other than Anton. Enjoyez-vous.

Maybe its just me but I have noticed that most people will comprise their own morals, ethics and thusly their integrity when it suits them best. People can live their entire lives saying one thing and then if they think it is best for them they will forget what they have been saying and the reasons why and do it. If people are prepared to break their word for themselves so easily, how can we trust anyone? If they're willing to go against what they have said, what is to stop them from telling others what you have told them in confidence? It is a very pessimistic outlook on life but I've observed it. I'm not any better though, I have fallen victim to it myself. For years I have claimed I would never be in the car with a drunk driver, that it was stupid and dangerous yet I have still done it on many occasions just because I wanted a free lift home.

I suppose it is to be expected, we are only human. Its naive to think that someone would place you above their needs all the time without consideration. People look out for themselves. Everyone else is an afterthought. I admit this doesn't apply 100% of the time because that would be too bleak an outlook on life even for me.

For all the negative sides of compromising one's integrity there is a positive. It shows an ability to grow if you change for the right reasons. There will be times when you examine your life and realise everything you have said is no longer applicable, in fact it is far from what you believe now, you may even be saying things now that you don't believe. You may just not have realised it yet.

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When I consider the existence of a God one of the most predominant things that I think about is the creation of both nature and human beings. The idea, in Christianity, that God made the world in seven days is a wee bit fanciful and my sceptical side is somewhat aggravated by stories of the bible. I can accept that such stories might be meant more as representation that solid fact, but I'm still put off. I always end up thinking of an old man with a beard sat next to a little globe making little clay men and women with his fingers. If it were, then I doubt that was how it was. Could an entity have created the work of art that is nature and all its inhabitants? It takes some faith to believe that the vast earth and all it's numerous little facets were made, in seven days no less.

In this respect the theory of science holds more water for me. While the 'big bang' concept still doesn't explain the existence of the elements that created/provoked/started the 'big bang', but I find it much more appropriate to comprehend that life as we know it developed from basic amoeba over millions and millions of years. Evolution to me seems a very realistic concept, especially when contrasted with the whimsical teachings that the major religions feature. On the other hand, I find it more difficult to see how what started as little tadpoles has become Humanity and all it features. The concepts of beauty, love, the soul etc seem so awfully contrary to the logic and laws of nature.

How can molecules and atoms come together and be sentient?? I find that very difficult to understand, but should my lack of capacity to understand be used as an excuse to consider the possibility of divine intervention? I doubt it; I don't believe anything happens after death, even though I cannot comprehend my own existence ceasing. It would be so very comforting to believe that we are part of something greater than that which we can immediately perceive. But my experience and reasoning as a human prevent that.

I will never know how we as inhabitants of this planet came about. I have to accept that. But, either through divine intervention or the slow evolution of the global ecosystem, I exist and have been given a tremendous capacity for appreciation of the world and pleasure and enjoyment as a human. I feel I can enjoy and appreciate life as much as I can without needing to question existence or creation, and my own faith will guide me through without religion or any God. I can respect those who differ, but I shall die bound to this earth as when I was born.

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My first double posting! Actually, I'm sorry about that, but I couldn't wait any longer to put this up. AnemusRogo, if the spacing is off, let me know. The email tends to make it's own spacing rules.




Wildflower
------------------------------------------------------------------------

???

Once I met a wildflower, growing by the side of the road I traveled

A beautiful thing, growing up out of the dirt and rust and broken concrete.

I watched her there for a moment, unchanging as she was as cars rushed by,busy on their way.

I saw her again the other day, spreading her roots through the cracks in the sidewalk, and I thought: "How beautiful, that something so rare and precious can spring up from mistreatment and neglect, quenching her thirst with the rains when they come, raising her face to the clouds, never pleading for a sunny day, but always watching.

I wanted to ask her, "What do you see?" I wanted to smell her, and to taste her, to see if I could understand what it would be like, growing with resoluteness, finding every little path and fissure to press her tendrils into; slowly understanding and comprehending her little world by touching everything around her. And watching.

I wanted to ask her, "Why don't you cry? Do you ever have a day when the streets are too hard, and you can't spread your roots any further, and you find yourself growing in an ever more confining space?

How can you not cry, and water your roots with your tears; for being a
lovely thing never was a crime.

But what do flowers know of crimes? Pedestrian's try to mow her down,
and still she grows.

And if she ever stopped growing and decided to put down roots;
real roots, the kind that keep you attached with no hope of movement.

Deeper in the concrete, deeper in the dust, and deeper in the pavement. Deeper in the city life, maybe she finds some solitude.

Down from all the blinking lights and the screaming ambulance sirens
and the constant danger of being crushed underfoot.

And yet, she grows, beautiful and free, when the wind ruffles her as the cars speed past, I can almost hear her laugh. I press my ear to the cement and listen. And maybe she'll be fine. I think maybe just maybe,
she'll be fine.

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