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Feelings

Posted 13 May 2002, 12.24 am by Sickan

Thinking of the future and what will come while the magic of Moulin Rouge is still running in my veins.
It is quite difficult not to lose hope in love and yet not believe much more in its power after that movie.
I asked myself if I ever had been so much in love that I could crawl up on rooftops and sing my love out – will I ever be so much in love or is it just that certain magic of that brilliant movie? I sat and felt quite sad and heartbroken, depressing really to think of, the question remained in my head, had I ever been in love? Yes I have - many times.
I have been in love with people many times.
I cant help myself it is like this benevolent force inside of me I cant control.
But it is love or is it me being a caring person and does that difference ever matter when it comes to love. I know that I love my brother on a different level than I love the ones I give my heart to.
Giving my heart to people is very difficult for me actually. I try with every fibre in my body to just for once trust in my significant other, but so often I just find myself unable to trust people – and yet I trust too much or do I? Is trust what love is build on?
I love few people in this world, and those people I will give my life to. But I fall in love almost every day, its like there is so much to fall in love with I cant take it. It can be a song, a flower, painting or a person.
The sole feeling of the objects existence is sometimes too much for me to cope with.
The purpose in their lives or the colour of the flower can hypnotize me for hours.
I can sit in my living room window looking at people rushing to unknown destinations and I just want to sing to them not to forget themselves in their hurry.
Why do I even think that? Why do I care about them? Do I even care or do I just project my own feelings to them and thereby find some rest from the all the feelings in my heart just waiting to get out?
All those feelings I have to hide from myself and others will someday come out and perhaps I will give all that love to one person and that person will be scared of me, that is what frightens me the most.
I try everyday to let some of them go, get them out either by singing, painting or running until I fall from exhaustion.
I can not hide forever.
Some day all these feelings will come out and they may not be as beautiful as I want them to be.
I sometimes worry that the result of hiding them can be that I do something dangerous or just hurt someone because no one can ever give what I want. What do I want?
Maybe I just have to forget it all and hide them forever and thereby keep on protecting myself and others from myself and my feelings.
Even though I know that is impossible.


Create your own desktop icons!!

Posted 12 May 2002, 3.29 pm by Craig


Visit Site.

Bounce

Posted 8 May 2002, 6.42 am by Berly

Addictive. Go ahead, play it once and quit. Don't look back. Don't think "just one more try".
More addictive than Crack.

"Happy"

Posted 7 May 2002, 6.17 pm by Villager

I am young, and yet even at these relatively formative years of my life I have seen a lot. I have been to some wonderful places, seen some wonderful things, and known some wonderful people. I've also been to some soulless places, seen some terrifying things and met some despicable people. The good is always engaged in a tiring struggle to overcome the bad. I've begun my journey to learn as much as I can about the world and it's people, and the start of that journey is excellent at painting a bleak picture for its continuance.

I am generally a happy person. I take much joy and pleasure from my experiences. My outlook is set by default to take the best from everything, and work at improving the negative. I also have capacity for vast disillusionment with life and a hollow sadness which never really goes away, despite the capricious reprieve offered by the rays of light and moments of tranquillity which flit in and out of my existence.

Never shall I acquiesce to the self indulgent pity which threatens to engulf me at times of woe. Never shall I allow the roses in my life to be overshadowed by the pernicious and malignant weeds which strike at me in a never ending conflict, the scars of which shape my being. Never shall I give up, but yet, I am so very tired. I would love so much to believe, to defy my conviction that happiness is a truly elusive fable, that bliss and contentment are for other people. If this life delivers unto me more than I expect I can achieve myself, then I will be a happy man.
But that would be a bigger surprise than my life's combined.

I am, only lost.

I am not who I thought I was

Posted 7 May 2002, 6.31 am by Berly

Ok. Ready? I got in my truck one morning. I dutifully checked behind me for victims before backing out of my spot. "Oh, how annoying" I thought. "Some kids have come by and opened my tailgate, and left it open. Little critters should be caged."

I get out and look.at.my.backend. The tailgate has been STOLEN! Fucking stolen! They did a spectacular job though. They lifted it right off and didn't leave so much as a dust particle disturbed otherwise. Bastards.

$900 to replace, and an additional $35.00 for this wacky invention called a tail gate lock. Did you know that the tailgates of trucks are sold in approximately 5,000 pieces, all of which you have to purchase separately? Ok, I lied. I think it’s really only something like 7 pieces, but it feels like 5,000.

I felt awful calling the police and wasting their time with a police report, but the insurance gods required it. After sacrificing the police officer’s precious time, I was free to seek replacement of my stolen goods.

I’m given a 4 door Saturn to drive in the meantime. I feel like I’m riding around on the California freeways in a roller skate. And not a really cool in-line roller skate either. No, more like a vintage 1975, 4 metal wheel roller skate - with no rubber stopper on the front.

I’d like to say that I’ve learned something from this incident - aside from why tailgate locks were invented. I’d love to say I’ve learned to be more courteous to small cars sharing the road with me. That I’ve realized it could have been worse and that it’s really a minor inconvenience compared to situations other people find themselves in.

I have been robbed of two things. One is the obvious - the other, is what disturbs me more than the first. Years ago, when I lost my transportation to some unforeseen circumstance, I was happy to drive anything that would get me where I wanted/needed to be. This is not the case this time. I am actually bitter about being inconvenienced - to such a degree - that I don’t like myself. I don’t like the person I have become. What happened to me?

Jason X or Why You Should Not Waste Cash

Posted 7 May 2002, 12.38 am by Jake

Psst. Hey. You want a modern recipe for mediocrity? Take a horribly overdone movie series, put in a dash of futuristically banal atmosphere, add a cookie-cutter slasher flick plot and a handful of horny college kids. And as Emeril Lagasse would say, "Bam!" Except in all honesty, it's more of a flat fart. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. It's Jason Voorhees. In space. w00t.

If I was asked to describe this movie in three words I would best summarize it as, "Shit, shit, shit." Now, don't get me wrong here. In spite of a few inspired kills, many people thought it blew. Lackluster dialogue frittered with cheap one liners (e.g. "He's screwed.") and women who resemble buxom infants with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome along with a dated character doesn't exactly hit the spot. I wanted this movie to be so good, but yet again my collective conscious recieved a hearty kick in the balls.

I'm glad I borrowed the bootleg from a friend, otherwise I'd sue the whole goddamned cast and crew for mental damage and psychosis incurred through watching the flop. Yeah. The big "vacuum" scene near the end? That was merely Jason X, sucking wind throughout its cheaply executed ass.

Maybe Freddy vs. Jason will be better. Hah.

The Score

Posted 6 May 2002, 3.20 pm by Villager

A group of friends saw this the other night, and were raving about like it was the best thing since sliced bread. Given the ingredients, De Niro, Brando, and Norton, this seemed entirely feasible. Naturally, then, I was expecting something pretty good.

It's a rather typical story about a veteran theif tempted out of retirement for one last job, and the upstart who joins him to pull it off. Thiongs go smoothly enough until the upstart decides that he's being used and pulls a fast one.. all predictable enough. But that doesn't mean it's boring.

Don't watch this film expecting anything quite as good as sliced bread, though, for all its qualities. The cast are good, the plot is at least remotely interesting for the most part, and the individual performances add that bit of character and life to a film that would otherwise be fairly dull. There are few surprises, and the on screen action is predictable at best, although the magical Edward Norton spices this up with an excellent performance.

Not great, not bad, not special. But worth watching.

Tubular, man.

Posted 6 May 2002, 5.45 am by Berly

Came across this site, which is all about survival while driving in California.

Our British leader might appreciate the California speak section. See now Alexander? You can learn all about it before you come over here. The only danger not mentioned on the site is the one to your pants should I get ahold of you. *wink*

Surviving California Driving

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Doggybag/baggy_dog is an artist living and working in Barga, Italy. Click here to read about this piece in his own words.


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Hmph

80s candy bars were pretty good

only because i traded it for a candy bar in the 80's.

lol we all know you don't have a soul ghoti

my soul for some carbs...

But of course!

Yo ! Does this work ?

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