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What group were you in at school?

Posted 5 May 2002, 12.33 pm by Craig


Visit Site.

Umbrellas

Posted 3 May 2002, 7.06 pm by Alexander

I've never once bought an umbrella, but I've always had one. Somehow I manage to find them, or borrow them, or get given them as gifts or as promotional items. Often I have multiple umbrellas, of varying shapes and sizes, secreted about my house. They're useful to have, especially when you live in England as I do.

Today I got wet on the way to work. I've lost all my umbrellas. Every one. Not at once you understand. One by one they get loaned or given away, they break or get pinched from public transport. As I sat down at my desk with my wet trousers clinging to my legs, I reflected upon this state of affairs.

Yes, I am currently without umbrellas. If I see it's raining outside, I have to face the prospect of getting wet. The most interesting thing, though, is that for me to have owned those umbrellas in the first place, someone else would have had to go without. Someone lost the umbrella for me to find it. Someone had to trudge in the rain in order to give me one as a gift. So really, my loss is someone else's gain - except in the case of the broken umbrellas. I see those as a natural ending of the cycle - this finite cycle of lost, found, lost, found.

How many umbrellas are there in the world? How many get sold? How long before the cycle comes back round to me and I find another one, abandoned in a bus shelter, loaned from a friend, left in the hatstand at work?

I guess I'll just play it by ear and get wet in the meantime, but I'm not worried. Nobody in this world goes without an umbrella for very long.

Am I the last person to see this?

Posted 3 May 2002, 3.11 am by Berly

This is a terrific collection of band flyers.

Gig Posters.

File this one under "why didn't I think of that?!"

Satanism - not as cool as the kids at school say.

Posted 1 May 2002, 8.00 pm by James

This is being posted quite later than I "promised", but fuck it, it's here now. Don't forget, I still haven't posted the sequel to my bit on robots and the fate of mankind, and all that.. School is a harsh mistress, m'friends. Anyway..

The Satanic Bible is, if nothing else, an intriguing bit of work. When you're a faithless maggot like Spooky or myself, Anton LaVey's arguments on the hypocrisy and worthlessness of Christianity are appealing enough - the slightly "taboo" nature of the material only makes it a cooler reading experience. All in all, if you're only looking at the first part of the Bible, it comes off as an intelligent, modern look at the crumbling pillars of modern religion.

But as you've already probably guessed, that's not all.

As a younger man, I imagined myself as a card-carrying member of the Church of Satan. Literally. I wanted that red, baphomet-inscribed business card to keep in my wallet. But when I summoned up the testicular fortitude to buy The Satanic Bible for myself a couple of years ago, I was surprised at how...well...hokey it is. How about an excerpt? This comes from an entry entitled 'Invocation Employed Towards the Conjuration of Lust', and is the end of a chant intended to get you laid, apparently:

"My rod is athrust! The penetrating force of my venom shall shatter the sanctity of that mind which is barren of lust; and as the seed falleth, so shall its vapours be spread within that reeling brain benumbing it to helplessness according to my will! In the name of the great god Pan, may my secret thoughts be marshalled into the movements of the flesh of that which I desire! Shemhamforash! Hail Satan!" Wow-ee. Now this is a lot less like a product of a competent philosopher, and a lot more like the end of Rosemary's Baby.

And if there is any doubt about the weirdness of this (un)holy book, why not flip forward a few pages until you find the 'Enochian Keys'? Enochian is "[a] magical language used in Satanic ritual..[and]..thought to be older than Sanskrit." The 'Enochian Keys' are a series of calls in which "the meaning of the words, combined with the quality of the words, unite to create a pattern of sound which can cause tremendous reaction in the atmosphere." Further, "the barbaric tonal qualities of this language give it a truly magical effect which cannot be described." So...let's read 'em already..

Ol sonuf vaoresaji, gohu IAD Balata, elanusaha caelazod: sobrazod-ol Roray i ta nazodapesad, Giraa ta maelpereji, das hoel-qo qaa notahoa zodimezod, od comemahe ta nobeloha zodien; soba tahil ginonupe pereje aladi, das vaurebes obolehe giresam. Casarem ohorela..." And it pretty much just goes on like that.

So what can we derive from the totally non-sensical nature of the inner-pages of LaVey's Satanic Bible? If I had to offer my opinion, I'd say it's just a clever money-making ruse, like all the others before it. It intrigues the intellectual in the beginning, and drags the poor reader from there forth through a bunch of unsubstantiated, mystical drivel. The transition is clever, though, as you might already be too interested to stop reading by the time you reach the point-of-no-return. Maybe you'll be a full fledged "Satanist" by the end, and if so, I can hear the giggles coming from the LaVey estate from here. After all, you'll then have to buy the other Satanic tomes they've churned out over the years, not to mention the other hundred books from the "ESOTERIC BULLSHIT" section of Barnes And Noble. Aleister Crowley? The Marilyn Manson autobiography? Sure, they're all there.

Personally and after careful consideration, I have to respond to this material with a hearty "No sir, I don't like it." I prefer a belief system that has a bit of integrity, thank you very much. I'm a Scientologist.

Klez - not good.

Posted 30 April 2002, 9.04 pm by Alexander

You may have heard about the Klez virus. It is extremely widespread and was described by McAfee as "A real fucking pain in the ringpiece". Our good buddies and fans of the site, Symantec, have a fix available for download from their website. Please take 5 mins to download it and run it. Think about the children. And the dolphins.

Click here you disease riddled varmint.

Ooh look I used html to create a link to another website. That wasn't hard.

Communicate.

Posted 29 April 2002, 1.25 am by Waldo

I’m not sure where or how I first stumbled upon this website, but it’s mere existence actually cheered me up. All that it consists of is a text box with a message from the creators and the following above it: Obviously, if you want a reply, an e-mail address would be most helpful.

It’s an offer of communication that brightens my day more than anything else has in a long time. Very cool. (edit: totally cannot get the HTML to work on this one because i'm a moron, url follows: http://frich.flatirons.org )

The Technical Manual

Posted 26 April 2002, 9.11 am by The_Roach

One of the topics covered with some regularity on both the front page and within our Grinding Shed is the best way in which one's life may be lived. While grossly overdone and entirely unoriginal, here is my treatment of this subject.


I've been told that I have a fairly strong grasp of the machinations behind living a good life. While I appreciate the compliment, I think it to be quite the exaggeration. Granted, I have had some experiences in my life that have allowed me insight into the workings of people, and I've always made it a point to observe and learn from the mistakes of others. So, when a friend said that he would really like for there to be a guidebook given out at birth that provided pointers for making the most out of one's existence, I got to thinking.

If I were to write such a manual, what would it say? How would I approach the subject of temptation and control? What suggestions could I give for meeting a good partner? How could I explain the means by which to find the one thing you love doing more than anything else, and then doing said thing for the rest of one's days?

After careful consideration, I have come to the conclusion that I am not only capable of writing the definitive "How-To" for living, but that I can also accomplish this task in less than one page:

There is nothing that I or anyone else can tell you that will guarantee that you achieve the maximum potential that your life holds. Only you are capable of determining your own limits. You will only travel so far as you truly wish to go. If you really want to know how to make your life the best that it possibly can be, my recommendation is to get up, get out, and fail repeatedly. Do what you want with your time here, but take the time to think about why you want to do the things you desire to accomplish. When you are wrong, admit that to yourself and move on. When you are finished, accept that you are finished and know that you did what you could.

Live.

Conflicts...

Posted 26 April 2002, 1.42 am by Jake

Words fail me.

As of lately, it seems that I wasn't meant to be happy. Casual meaningless sex and drugs fill the void, but only for a short while.
Every conscious decision I make/have made comes back and slaps me in the face.

I can't fucking get it, for the life of me.

Life's kinda kicking me in the face and pissing in my ear lately, but what's new? That's how it's almost always been. But, I will stare down my obstacles, I'll tear down all of the walls that are in my way. I'll crawl through the red-hot plains of Hell, and I'll grit my teeth and slog through the shit that is accumulating around me.
Whatever fucking happens, I'm not gonna lay down. I'm not going to give in to any doubt. Maybe I'll have fits of anger and self-loathing, but hey. Tough shit.
It can only get better.

Right?

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This is again from the 'Faces of Death' cycle. In this piece, the mottled effect was produced by flicking turpentine at the image once it was smeared into the ink.


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80s candy bars were pretty good

only because i traded it for a candy bar in the 80's.

lol we all know you don't have a soul ghoti

my soul for some carbs...

But of course!

Yo ! Does this work ?

* Alexander wonders if this still works

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