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Microwave Fun!!

Posted 17 April 2002, 7.08 pm by Craig

Take a look at all the fun things you can do with your microwave oven!!

Click here bitch.

Are you as Slacker?

Posted 16 April 2002, 1.00 pm by Craig




Take the What Kind of Slacker are you? Quiz



By the way it's my birthday today... Send me Presents!!!

Wow! A webmaster post!

Posted 14 April 2002, 11.49 pm by Alexander

It's been many months since I've done one of these, mainly because they tend to be somewhat dull. I'll keep it brief.

I'm really pleased with the activity on the site of late - loads of great discussion, input and contributions. That's what it's all about after all. But still we need more!

In particular we need more art for the collection. If you've ever drawn or painted or digitally created any art, why not add it to the akpcep database and give it a public airing? It's not there to be judged or rated or even commented on, just as an outlet. I know there are many many creative people who visit and use akpcep, so why not email me some of your work in jpg format, with a brief description?

Remember, the site is what YOU make it.

If you're not a member of the Grinding Shed, or you haven't visited that area of the site for a while, make sure to check out the new and improved intra-site message system and email notification. Also, the karma system seems to be working well. Testament to the mature and responsible nature of your average grinder... *cough*

As always, if you have any questions or comments, or anything you'd like to see implemented on akpcep.com, email me at alexander@akpcep.com.

- Alexander

Educate thyself!

Posted 14 April 2002, 10.45 pm by Alexander

This was emailed to me by user Janetdoggy. It doesn't really need any introduction, but you should all bookmark it. You never know when you might need it...

The Internet Public Library.

Akpcep's Red Headded Step Child

Posted 14 April 2002, 8.20 am by Berly

I stumbled upon this user submitted articles site. I got a kick out of it. Maybe you will too.

Boring Guys

If I didn't know any better, I'd think this guy is related to our divine one, Alexander. In the spew (message board) section, he posts a thread about how he can't see keeping the site up and running because "Mr. Bank Account is tired of having Mr. WebSite do the grabby-grabby to all his fundage."

Star Wars fanatics - and I why I want to run them through with my lightsaber.

Posted 12 April 2002, 9.52 pm by James

Fans of George Lucas' Star Wars trilogy have always been fanatics. Whether they're bashing their "dorky" counterparts, the Trekkies, or buying the latest Star Wars "Extended Universe" novel (in which Luke Skywalker is 79, Chewie is dead, and every villain from the original trilogy has been cloned...twice), their devotion remains nothing less than rabid. These days, though, even the most devout fans feel the stinging ice pick of doubt needling their respective cerebral cortexes. After 1999's kick-off of the prequel trilogy, The Phantom Menace, they cringed at the thought of Jar Jar Binks' mad-cap encounters with power couplings, or a young Darth Vader's innocent exclamation of "Yippee!"

Almost twenty years of waiting have gone by, and Star Wars devotees are now faced with the possibility of their beloved space-opera being utterly ruined by its own prequels!

...

Wait. Time out. Please, allow me to interrupt myself.

I am a Star Wars fan myself. I was raised by my mother to adore the classic trilogy, and admittedly, can pretty much recite every line of dialogue from any scene in the seven-hour running time of the cassettes. In other words, I'm a complete loser - it's amazing I've managed to touch a breast or two, being a man who collected Star Wars: CCG cards in middle school and can name the starship and weapon of choice of each of the bounty hunters flashed on the screen for three seconds in the middle of The Empire Strikes Back. Even the sad-looking assassin droid, 4-Lom. Despite my love for these films, however, I don't get my vas deferens twisted up over every quirk and stupid detail of the prequels.

Why, you ask? I guess I just remember some things about the Star Wars saga that others have chosen to forget. Or maybe I have issues with suspending disbelief. Either way, I don't see any of the first three episodes as a perfect template for a prequel to adhere to.. They all had a good amount of cheesiness, a boring spot, or clusters of bad dialogue mixed in with the classic goodness.

Take A New Hope, for example - the beginning of this film can be somewhat tedious, with only a brief look at Darth Vader keeping us interested enough to sit through C3PO's inane belly-aching. If it weren't for the captivating presence of Sir Alec Guiness or Peter Cushing, I'd bet you my mint-edition Chewbacca card that the series never would have taken off. Carrie Fisher, Mark Hamill, and Harrison Ford didn't really reach a stride until the second film, and without the seasoned veterans around to carry them, they would've fallen flat on their faces.

The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi weren't masterpieces either, I'll have you know. The matte lines in the Battle of Hoth (or Luke's fight with the Rancor, for that matter) make you want to gouge your own eyes out. And people complain today about "fake-looking" computer backgrounds, which I find breathtaking! They also love to complain about poor, "fake-looking" computer-animated Yoda, who's trying his best, dammit! I can't believe they forgot about the stiff, awkward, puppet-y Yoda that very nearly made the Dagobah death scene from Return of the Jedi more of a laugh riot than a tearjerker.

How about repetition? If you watch the series from start to finish, you should count about forty-or-so instances of the hyperdrive breaking down on the Millenium Falcon, or repairs being made by Han Solo and an always-irate Chewie. On the same token, why not listen closely to the dialogue during the climactic duel of Return of the Jedi - a father and son come to blows in the most emotionally charged battle the galaxy has ever known, and all we hear is:

"Search your feelings, father. I feel the conflict within you."
"Your feelings have betrayed you!"
"You shall meet your destiny."
"This is your destiny."
"It is your destiny."
"Feel the hatred swelling in you."
"Use your hatred."
"You will call me Master."
"Soon he will be your Master."
"I will not be turned."
"I shall not turn."
etc. etc.

Selective memories are sad, people. The original Star Wars films weren't perfect, and the prequels won't be either. Face up to it and move on, or the whole damn thing will be ruined for you. It's only a bit of fun, after all.

The Selling of the American Dream

Posted 11 April 2002, 9.24 pm by Jake

Advertising. It's everywhere. From the pop-up windows that annoy the hell out of you to the brand names on people's clothing....it's practically a plague. Nearly everything is copyrighted or trademarked. A majority of television channels and radio stations play more commercials than actual programming. Advertising has become the business game of the century.
In the fledgling years of advertising, people bought products with the most appealing ads. Nowadays it's almost the same, but ads have taken a turn. Ever since ad agencies started putting emotional "jolts" into their campaigns, "jolt advertising" has become the staple of sales. Think about it. People enjoy commercials that make them laugh. Usually what causes the impulse to laugh at advertisements is a sudden, unexpected event that leaves one of the ad characters as the brunt of hilarity. Other ads rely on beautiful, thin women or powerful, masculine fellows to appeal to the consumer. The average consumerist female(or, in some cases, male) will buy Cover Girl mascara if Cindy Crawford looks good wearing it, and the average consumerist male will only buy Budweiser beer because of the slapstick commercials featuring edgy comedians.
Quite often, we have a corporate answer for every quandary we face in our modern lives. If we get hungry, we go down the street to the desired fast-food restaurant. If we get thirsty, we have Coca-Cola, Pepsi, and Gatorade right by us to quench our thirst. And the sad part is, the advertisers are selling us their ideas of "cool". Many people are so engrained into their consumerist lifestyle, they don't know any better. Example: The woman next door owns a Ford Expedition, and she's a trendy soccer mom. She has "it". So, the brooding neighbor goes out and buys a monstrously huge gas-guzzling SUV and becomes the talk of the junior high, carting her kids and their various friends to aforementioned fast-food joints and even the mall to buy overpriced brand-name clothing.
A majority of kids aren't satisfied until they are wearing Tommy Hilfiger, Abercrombie and Fitch, or Nike. God forbid they were caught wearing anything less. If some kid's wearing Wal-Mart clothing, they're poor trash. Even the "alternative" kiddos are decked out in their Adidas, Puma, and (insert trendy band-name here)t-shirts, accompanied with accessories from the "alternative" stores. Kids' fashion templates are homogenized with what they see on MTV or VH1. When everyone comes home at night, they log countless hours in front of the television or computer. We (as a culture) have become so detached from our standards that we would be lost without television, radio or computers. Reading books? That's for nerds. Just go buy a magazine. Actually going somewhere and having fun as a family? No way. Mom and Dad are too tired to go do anything and besides, the kids would get all nasty if they went outside.
We are breeding cultures that are raised in a completely electronic environment. The amount of information zipping around is so overwhelming that a majority of it is useless. If it can't be reduced to simple little factoids and memorized, why learn it? Amazingly, our culture has survived despite mass consumption and destruction of natural resources. What the real kicker is, is that nobody is willing to stop. Very few people are actually willing to ditch their electronic vices and go do something. My challenge to the masses is: Do something different. Instead of turning on the television, read a book. Exercise.
Instead of drinking soft drinks, try water. The next time you're dying for a salad, go find a mom-and-pop produce stand that grows all of their own products. All it takes is a bunch of small changes to make yourself stand back and look at your life. And then you can prioritize and wonder what you are actually getting out of all of this.

Liberty to believe, not just the others

Posted 11 April 2002, 12.41 pm by Sickan

We all know them most actual matter right now is the war against terror which is “not a war against religions or countries” (Government denies knowledge). Islamic fundamentalists hate a handful of tendencies in USA, as well as a lot of others might do, so therefore they kill a couple of thousand more or less civilians and then they and their religion will probably become much more popular…! Everybody will just love them! Love them because they are afraid to go into open war, love them because they kill innocent people even though the dead might not even know about the terrorist’s cause. Love them because they try to achieve their goals by frightening people, as you by the way sometimes see in the major religions!
I don’t love them, as I'm sure you don’t. As Jack would say:” A religious war is nothing but a bunch of people fighting over who has the best imaginary friend!” I think it is pathetic to fight about anything, but most of all a cover, because these religious wars are battles of power! A battle, in which the winner will be able to dictate people into doing things, hence to be a religious leader must be the highest status a power-seeking Middle-eastern old man could ever achieve. What we might often fail to see is that not all religions have this need of power as its often said about all religions – often it is said that all religions are alike. The general opinion about religion is usually the following:
- Dogmatic: An angry old man who wishes to control or judge everyone.
- Something that will define human limits.
- A game of power
- A total explanation of the world “This is how things are. Period!”
I have experienced that the truth is something entirely different, for me the truth is that all the religions are the same, what often fuck a religion up is when power comes into the picture – power is something humans have created.
The problem is when a person asks if you are Christian or belong to some other totalitarian dogmatic religion, your answer can be two different things, Yes or No (basically). If you say yes, the holy grave will stay well preserved and you agree on that God is great and good and that others who do not believe in God are fools and ignorant or whatever. You can also say no, and the faithful must try to convince you, so the faithful can continue to stay in the belief that they are telling the truth and that they never make mistakes. If such two persons meet, problems occur quickly and they can get into a fight (worst case scenario). You often se in these totalitarian dogmatic judgeful religions bogeys like “If you don’t behave then the Troll will come for you! And that’s bad… reeeeaaall baaaad! So be a nice girl/boy like me and then you’ll manage just fine!”
Another problem occurs when you trust the “old scripts” and the hieratic power sharing. Who ever wrote these in the past could might as well have been junkies with nothing better to do than write these melodramatic cartoonish soap operas. Frequently we see that in religions there are some people who are closer to the Gods which means there are two things the worshippers can do; they can either nominate these persons to leaders, religious leaders as Dalai Lama, The Pope and Osama Bin Laden or they can see these persons as advisers from who they can take advise or just leave it be. Often when the first thing happens you get a system where the individual leaves “the salvation of the soul” to an institution e.g. the church, where the soul is in the hands of a priest or likewise. This can be the easiest thing to do, but from my point of view also the weaker, said people do not take responsibility for their actions. There shall be no doubt that I feel the system with the advisers is the best, in that system you will not be excluded because you do not take the advise given to you, hence you have a choice.
The problem is that not all religions are like that, I don’t know if it is the media or just society in general which makes it look like this.
Way too often all religions are taken as one institution and just made equal in belief and form, as a concept for pathetic people who are afraid to take responsibility for their own lives. But then again it all depends on the way you look at things. Its easy to claim that the religious people just need their religion to safely put away the things in life you cant explain or understand, they need a little box to put all of it in. Humans fear what they cannot control and I guess we all put these fears somewhere.
I think the problem is that people aren’t open enough, were we to be more open we might risk to be proven wrong and that would be terrible!
We all have our opinions on how things are, and if we hadn’t we would all just be empty zombies!

This is a submission from Frugt.05

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This was an illustration for a poem called 'Edmonton, thy cemetary' by Stevie Smith. It's ink and pen on wet paper, a technique I was using quite extensively at the time.


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80s candy bars were pretty good

only because i traded it for a candy bar in the 80's.

lol we all know you don't have a soul ghoti

my soul for some carbs...

But of course!

Yo ! Does this work ?

* Alexander wonders if this still works

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Articles posted are copyright the respective authors and may not express the views of akpcep.com. All other content ©Alexander King 2001-2019. ver 4.0
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