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Posted 21 March 2002, 1.22 am by Berly

“Oh, don’t even worry about it.”
“Nah, it’s no big deal. Everyone here at this table has had a moment of their very own with Todd”
“Yeah, it’s just one of his weird little things.”

This is what Todd’s co-workers were saying to me, while ordering another round of drinks. The curious thing about these remarks was that I didn’t even realize I had “had my own moment” with Todd.

Among these people was a good friend of mine, Melissa. She was the reason I was sharing happy hour with people that I had met once or twice before, and some that I would be meeting for the first time. Todd and I had met before, and gotten along particularly well.

Todd has a dry, sarcastic sense of humor that I very much appreciate. This time, however, I would misinterpret anger for jest, and become a member of a not-so exclusive club. The “I pissed Todd off so much that he left the event with his undies in a bunch” club.

I had left the table of merriment and gone to the restroom. Upon returning to my seat (which was positioned between Melissa and Todd), Todd said to me “I would have ordered you another Coke, but we thought that perhaps you have had enough and we wouldn’t want you to over do it.” This is a familiar jab at my inability to drink even one drink and drive. My choice of beverage to keep me alive and out of jail never ceases to produce amusement for my companions. My playful response to Todd was “Yes, I need to be careful. Drinking that much Coke makes me have to pee a lot, I better take it easy.”

This would be the beginning of my initiation into the club, but I would ignore the subtle hint and pursue my membership completely unenlightened. Todd’s upper lip curled a bit and he sat rigid in his chair. He spat out “Don’t say that! Don’t! Say anything to me, but DO NOT talk of such things to me.” I of course understood this to be posturing. To be taking the comical dangers of too much soda consumption to a ludicrous level.

I leaned towards Todd, and threw both of my arms on the table in a “let’s get down to business” kind of way. I said to him with a sparkle in my eye “Oh, I have a fairly reliable routine that I follow, it has not failed me yet….it goes like……

Cue lightning strike.

Todd morphed again. I swear his face turned all kinds of colors. He looked me in the eyes and hissed at me, “Do.Not…..do not speak of such things to me. If you do, I promise you…promise you, I WILL make every effort to make your evening an unbearable hell.”

I thought to myself, “Wow, he’s gotten awful serious about this joke, which isn’t even funny….I think I’ll just sort of bow out and start up another conversation.” I smiled at him and said “Thanks Todd, that’s all any girl can ask for in an evening.”

I turned to Melissa to ask her about something.. I can’t even remember what it was. About five minutes later, Todd rose from his chair and said ever so calmly “Excuse me”. I of course thought nothing of it. I figured he was going to the bar, or restroom or whatever people do when they aren’t sitting at the table.

About 20 minutes went by, and Melissa was summoned to the other end of the table. Soon, members of my table were whispering in groups of two and three, nodding their heads, and giggling. I was beginning to wonder if I had something hanging out of my nose or worse . Melissa returned to me and said “Um, I guess I should have warned you about this…but Todd left because you said the word “pee” to him.”

Pee.

Welcome to the club.

I honestly had no idea that I had infuriated Todd so much. I began to replay the events, adding enlightenment where before there was none. I felt strange. Even though no one at the table seemed shocked, offended or otherwise adversely affected by these events, I apologized and went home shortly after that.

On the one hand, part of me finds it beyond humorous that a word like “pee” can chase a grown man from a table of his co-workers. On the other hand, I generally try to respect people’s idiosyncrasies and tread without malevolence. While I won’t lose sleep over these events, I feel a little contrite.

Life...is it for everyone?

Posted 19 March 2002, 10.03 pm by Jake

What's the deal? Why do people believe that life sucks so badly as to end it? A boy from our school killed himself this week. His mother found him dangling from a noose. They took him to the hospital, put him on the respirator, and he never came around.

According to popular belief, he had left a suicide note. It talked about how he felt that he could never do anything right, his parents hated him, etc. And I had met this kid on occasion. No offense to the deceased, but he was a white-trash punk with a sour look on his face (always) and an even worse disposition. He exhibited extremely aggressive behavior and came from a pretty rough family. The girl he was dating/fucking suffered a nervous breakdown and hasn't been the same ever since. Not to say that I don't sympathize with anyone who's ever experienced suicide....I saw one of my friends right after he had shot himself in the face with a .44 magnum. I walked into the room and it was splattered with blood and gray matter. Why? He had left the ceiling fan on when he shot himself. He did it because of hateful parents.
So I've been thinking (although it never gets me very far)..why do kids keep killing themselves?? Theories abound on this phenomena, some have been proven, some laughed at. In my opinion, it all depends on the individual (genetic predispositions, family structure, childhood). But, again, that always varies.
Suicide seems to be trendy nowadays...at least where I live. 7 of them within the past two years (not counting overdoses or car wrecks, even though they could have been suicides)
I know there's not really any point to this post, but I just had to blurt it out and spend some time analyzing it.

the state of community

Posted 18 March 2002, 10.52 pm by Villager

Love. The intractable paradox that starts wars and ends lives. The little itch that blinds logic and defies the delicate balance between desire and better judgement. The noble heroin that enslaves all it touches and disillusions all it fails. History has but one true constant; the fortification of individuals through love. Man may conquer, serve and aspire, but he seldom acts free of the relentless nagging inside his chest. Of each I am certain love is somewhere by the core, but why do I suffer the stony touch of those around me?

Why can I look upon a young couple embraced in the tender kisses of their soul, and yet be scorned by the same when one should act of his own accord? I see a hundred individuals delightful in companionship yet meagre and weary in the world about them. I see no joy in the eyes of the laughing clowns and no warmth in the actions of the chanced one. I see a total rejection of the concept of society and belonging. I see a vague sea of lost souls aimlessly colliding among disappointment and experiences that serve but to embitter the innocence of a child into the cynical, forlorn chaos of life.

Through reluctant tears, I see a total absence of everything that I wish I could believe in.

Dark Personalities

Posted 18 March 2002, 8.24 pm by Alexander

Yet another alternative to Christianity targeted at the disaffected youth

Now with dark ones in your system:

The Dark Side of Multiplicity

(Thanks to Anton for this one)

Happy Birthday akpcep.com

Posted 17 March 2002, 9.22 pm by Alexander

Well it's been exactly one year since I registered the domain www.akpcep.com. Of course, back then it was all pea-soup green. A lot has happened over the course of a year, and as we all know a year is a long time in internet terms. We've seen sites come and go, people come and go, readers come and go. Such is the ephemeral nature of this medium, I suppose.

Remember all the staff that have passed through? Jam Torkberg - disappeared. Q - went to college I think, James - imploded but is back posting in the shed, thankfully. Ralenth - got sacked, doesn't like me at all anymore. Darkstream - got sacked, still likes me. Andy - got sacked, couldn't take a hint and came back. Nowadays, we have quite a few staff, not that you'd really know it most of the time (HINT). Waldo and Necromanzer/Acheron are the two stalwarts, and I must thank them for their continued loyalty to the site, even Waldo, who I think has written one article in 4 months. Spooky continues to surprise, Shaggy posts irregularly but when he does, it's dynamite.

Personell wise, I think the biggest sea-change came with the introduction of Villager (poached from monochromism.net), The Roach (friend of Waldo's) and Berly (wandered over from dogbomb.co.uk). These three above all others have kicked my ass when it was needed, given hope and inspiration and most importantly their time in abundance. I hope they will continue to do so.

New faces, relatively. Dot, bringing her unique personality to not only the site but the IRC channel, where she rules over us all with her wanton sexuality (well, she does!). Sickan, evil danish fox.. need we say any more? Jake and Jerome - where the hell are you?? And Craigy, loveable Scottish purveyor of totally fucked up links and IRC hi-jinks, double teaming Anton for bestiality jokes.

Talking of Anton, beardy, solemn, comedy-gold dispensing genius of straight talking - much credit is due to the readers of akpcep for it's continued existence, if not success. There are some great grinders in the shed - I can't name them all, Gladiator, Janetdoggy, Amaurote, Jackwright, Alamias and what seems to be about half of the teenage population of Arizona. Obviously without the participation of you horrible lot, the site would cease to exist. Also, many many thanks to the choice few users, some anonymous, who have contributed financially through paypal. I absolutely guarantee this site would not have survived a year without your help.

Not only that, I must thank all the webmasters who have helped me and the site along the way. Kev from teop, akratt, godfader, diva from nochicktrix.com, hollow from hollowearth.co.uk, simon from dogbomb.co.uk, VanGogh from pleasantjourneys and raw from the-flipside.co.uk.

So there's not much left for me to say. The hosting is paid for another year, I own the domain for another year. In theory, there's no reason why in a years time I won't be making yet another stupidly cloying post like this one, thanking everyone and their dog for the success, however minor, of a site about everything visited by nobody.

Please use the comments section to let me know any way you would like to see the site evolve, what improvements can be made and so on. Also leave a message detailing how you came about the site in the first place, if your faculties are sufficiently intact.

Your Metal Gear Solid name

Posted 17 March 2002, 8.42 pm by Alexander

You may well be familiar with Metal Gear Solid, as the second installment has sold more copies than the bible. You may also be aware that in the game, the character's names are some of the most ridiculous ever used in a video game. Now, it seems, that void in your life is about to be filled.

Create your own MGS character name.

Thanks to user Scab for that link.

Conclave Obscurum

Posted 14 March 2002, 5.49 am by Berly

I believe this is a personal portfolio site.

It kindof gives me the willies. Make sure your sound is on for this one.

Conclave Obscurum

Buckaroo Bonzai Across the 8th Dimension

Posted 13 March 2002, 1.53 am by The_Roach

The following is a reader submission from Capt. Vimes. Enjoy!

Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension


Buckaroo Banzai. To those in the know, the very name evokes a sense of mystery, wonder, and good old rock and roll. Dr. Banzai's exploits are legendary, indeed mythic in proportion. He, along with his rock band, the Hong Kong Cavaliers, have saved the world numerous times over, made amazing scientific discoveries, produced four studio albums and a live CD; Live at Artie's Artery, and one cult film.

In 1984, a docudrama based on actual events from Dr. Banzai's life was released and the world got it's first glimpse of what might lie behind the doors of the Banzai Institute and lives of Team Banzai; much celebrated but seldom seen figures such as Reno Nevada, Rawhide, Perfect Tommy, Penny Priddy , and, of course, Dr. Buckaroo Banzai, were brought to the screen and given faces by some of Hollywood's finest young actors, some of which went on to much grander, but not necessarily greater things.

The plot centers on an attempt by the alien Red Lectroids from Planet Ten, who were stranded on Earth in the 30's, to return home and wrest control of their planet from the Black Lectriods, who banished the warlike Reds centuries ago. Dr. Banzai, fresh from breaking the dimensional barrier that might give the aliens a way home, becomes embroiled in the conflict and must stop Lord John Worfin, a Red Lectroid inhabiting the body of Dr. Emilio Lizardo, from using Dr. Banzai's own technology to breach the 8th dimansion and invade Planet Ten. The Black Lectroids will then vaporise Moscow, leaving the then Soviet Union to assume the USA has attacked and starting an all out nuclear war. Needless to say (otherwise you would not be reading this review), Dr. Banzai and his Team prevail, the world is saved, and a new adventure is promised, Buckaroo Banzai vs. The World Crime League.

Buckaroo Banzai, to me, evokes the same sort of feelings that characters like Doc Savage, Sherlock Holmes, and Indiana Jones do. He is an extraordinary man who surrounds himself by friends who will laugh with him, fight for him, and, if need be, die for him; for they know the greatness of the man himself and what he stands for. While he is out there, the world is a much safer place. In a time where our greatest buildings fall about us and madmen laugh at us from afar, it comforts me to know Dr. Banzai is always there.

Ok. Back to the real world. Sorry to break your collective bubbles, but Buckaroo Banzai doesn't exist. Neither do the Hong Kong Cavaliers. The Story begins and ends with the film. Or does it?
The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Though the Eighth Dimension has been described as a film one either hates or loves. That is to say, one either accepts the idea that the film is a B-rated docudrama about the worlds preeminate brain-surgeon/physisist/adventurer/rock star and rolls with the bad jokes, low-budget props, and sometimes over the top performances, or one thinks the film is the stupidest film they have ever seen. I choose the former.

The film, when watched by itself, seems not a little silly and a mite low budget. Directed by W.D. Richter (who wrote Big Trouble in Little China, another great cult film) and written by Earl Mac Roush, the film often shows it's budgetary restictions. Sets look cobbled together, props are made from ordinary cake boxes and bubble wrap, some of the dialogue is a bit, well, cheesy. But through it all runs a vein of pure fun. The entire cast seems to be having a great deal of enjoyment at being able to embody these characters and is made up of people who, with a few exceptions, will go into your 'I know that guy from somewhere' file. Check out the following list, along with films you might have seen them in.


Buckaroo Banzai- Peter Weller (Robocop, Screamers)
Penny Priddy - Ellen Barkin (The Big Easy, Wild Bill)
Rawhide - Clancy Brown (Highlander, Starship Troopers)
Perfect Tommy - Lewis Smith (The Heavenly Kid, Wyatt Earp)
New Jersey - Jeff Goldblum (Duh? If you don't know this one, for shame)
John Whorfin /
Emilio Lizardo - John Lithgow (ditto)
Reno - Pepe Serna (Silverado, American Me)
John Bigboote' - Christopher Lloyd (Ditto 2)
John Gomez - Dan Hedaya (Clueless, Alien Resurrection)
John O'Connor - Vincent Schiavelli (Ghost, Tommorrow Never Dies)
Impressive resume's, all.

The great thing about the performances in this film is that, even though some of the dialogue is cheesy and the sitiuations far from normal, the actors take it all very seriously. Peter Weller's protrayal of Dr. Banzai is very understated, lending an air of respectability to some very ridiculous situations. John Lithgow's Lord John Worfin is delightfully nutty, and Ellen Barkin is a woman worth saving the world for. (major hottie alert, especially in that dress. Yum.). Jeff Goldblum's appearance in a suit Tom Mix would be ashamed to wear is a riot, and Christopher Lloyd is at his frustrated best. ("It's not my damn planet, Monkey-boy!").

So, either you "get it or you don't", as I remember one reviewer said when talking about the film. I like to go online and check out some of the Banzai Websites. The official Banzai Institute Website, World Watch Online, and the Buckaroo Banzai FAQ are just a few you can access. It's a blast to see all the BB related stuff that's out there. And with the promise of more adventures on the way, either in TV or Novel form, now is the perfect time to become a Blue Blazer Regular.

That's all for now. See you later and remember "No matter where you go, there you are."

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In 2018 I started painting again. This was one of a series of acrylic sketches I did to relearn techniques and revisit my skills from art college.


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Hmph

80s candy bars were pretty good

only because i traded it for a candy bar in the 80's.

lol we all know you don't have a soul ghoti

my soul for some carbs...

But of course!

Yo ! Does this work ?

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