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Posted 1 March 2002, 11.24 pm by Waldo

Well, America has wrapped up her latest war with a third world nation quite nicely. Old news I know, but this is the equivalent of Mike Tyson kicking my ass. No one's surprised. No one thought for a moment that we'd lose and have to start living under the cruel law of the Koran (or something else that is as equally insipid as the US's constitution). Maybe the practice is doing us some good, getting us ready to fight China (another third world country which just happens to have the worlds largest standing army).

Personally I think it's a good thing, us pissing off the Muslim world, killing families and leaving countries full of desperate people with nothing to lose and the backing of all that lovely oil money we give them. Personally I also think it would be a lot easier to give everyone a free gun with every car/turkey dinner they buy. Could make for some great adverts as well, "Come check out our new 2002 Fords and walk away with a set of keys AND a free gun! *ammo sold separately*" Road rage is excellent fun when you don't drive.

Either way, road rage/arab rage, the job gets done. 'The Job' being that thing mother nature hasn't been doing so well these past hundred years, killing people. Sure there's Ebola and AIDS but AIDS takes too long and it's rate of infection can be controlled by some of the smarter apes and Ebola's never made it to Paris (and if you can't even make it to Paris how can you expect to hit Broadway? Huh, Ebola? Ya Slacker). It's up to us to make up the difference any way to can. We must bomb everyone we can, sew all the earth with salt, poison all the grain and groundwater available, mail anthrax to our neighbors (it wasn't us it was Palestine!) until the death rate overtakes the birth rate and we can finally have peace on earth.

The sheer number of people on this planet is the main cause of most of our suffering and most of the problems people have with the world. If we could all just die we could stop stepping on each other's toes. And if you don't do your part, who will?

Oh, and for once I'm not being a hypocrite, I understand that I'm just as useless and worthless as everyone else and can't do anything to make this world's situation any better and I'll accept death when it's served to me.

AKp live

Posted 1 March 2002, 11.12 pm by Alexander

This review of AKp appeared in a local free magazine.

Throughout history, certain individuals have carved their name forever as a result of their terrible mix of egotism and insecurity. From Napoleon to Hitler to Jim Davison, unspeakable crimes against humanity have been committed thanks to this particular type of psyche. A more common result nowadays is the compulsion to pick up a guitar and eviscerate your insecurities in front of a bunch of strangers who you hope will, for some unknown reason, care. So over the years we've been treated to Lennon, Morrissey, Brian Molko and now, it seems, Alexander King.

Ripping your shirt off half way through a gig while telling the crowd how nobody fancies you is, then, potentially the stuff of greatness. Pretending to be Jarvis Cocker in a prog-rock band, though, probably isn't. King's between song monologues lack the Pulp frontman's deadpan wit and generally only serve to get King some attention - which is a bit unfair on drummer Dan and bassist Gem (another ego alert: King's surname is important enough to get into the band's name; the other two's aren't even important enough to get on the band's website) who provide a tight framework for the singer/guitarist to do his Cocker/Neil Hannon impression over.

Music-wise 'Entrails' encapsulates the Alexander King Project; King flutters and flounces with a soaring falsetto like Brett Anderson with a guitar, Dan and Gem keep it square at the back, there's some occasional delay on the vocals to give an impression of grandeur and - bizarrely - a Gary Moore style guitar solo to finish things off. Such mid-song changes are one of AKP's more impressive features; yes, it smacks of prog-rock but also Smashing Pumpkins at their best, and while King likes to keep things loose and baggy Gem and Dan are savvy enough to pull off the changes smartly.

While seemingly lacking in a raison d'etre apart from publicising Alexander King, the Project have a lot of good ideas that a week of practise wouldn't harm and I suspect would sound better recorded in a decent studio than knocked out live to a handful of skate kids on a Saturday night.

All you ever wanted to know about Trolls

Posted 1 March 2002, 6.43 pm by Berly

A troll is someone who posts or flames in newsgroups or on boards to cause a kind of reaction. AKpCEP has even had one.

The ironic thing about this site W.A.S.T.E. Report is that it give trolls exactly what they want on a grand scale. "World Alliance for the Study of Trolls and E-Scum"

It appears that this site is run by a devoted fan of the X-Files who is determined to prevent any trolls or e-scum from ruining the discussions. It is a very informative, and sometimes humorous report on trolling.

No Explanations.

Posted 1 March 2002, 12.16 am by Waldo

Post-modern. That's where they say we are. The whole digital age, the computer thing, the 'me' generation, the flower children and the dope-heads, it's all a post-modern 'thang'. It's a feeling of being lost, of not knowing what to hang on to from moment to moment and eventually finding out that everything you have been believing in wasn't worth it. It's nihilism or death as our inevitabilities. Sometimes both.

There's the passive nihilism of Buddhism, where the world is empty of value and you seek only to escape through death to nirvana. There's active nihilism, self-destruction focused outward and maybe the term 'death-by-cop' put on the coroner's report. Either way you're seeking to lessen the damage done to you by the world, maybe make things better for those around you by reacting to the sense of meaningless found in response to a scan of the outside world and reacting either with anger or helplessness.

It's hard to know what to care about, what to devote your time and emotional energy to. What makes a cause worthy? What makes the world a better place? It's hard to see the good in something that just keeps moving the way the world does. It's easy to get lost, to lose yourself in the world, in materialism and greed but for those of us who won't or can't, what do we do? Try to change the world? What for? What would change? People certainly don't change, there are too many of them, the good ones die and the bad ones breed. You can surround yourself with the good ones and shut everything else out, but it's still there pounding at the edge of your peripheral vision. You had to be aware of it to push it away and it's not just going to disappear.

Hopelessness breeds and nothing seems worth it. Nothing seems to work. No hope and only faith or drugs to drown your mind in. Kill your brain and live forever it seems. Or kill the flesh and die forever. Nihilism is the only response for those that look at the world and don't look away. But it still leads nowhere.


Posted 28 February 2002, 11.38 am by Sickan

You have somehow managed to get out of bed; looking out the window, realizing the sky is grey and rain is falling in big drops. You shiver and try to prepare yourself to get out there, to get to work. You walk into the kitchen and turn on the coffeemaker.
Like a zombie you go to the bathroom – look in the mirror. Turn around, remember what you are doing in the cold room and turn on the showerhead. The water is hot and steam raises calmly – steps into the cabinet and let the water freshen you up.
Finally you step out again, regrets it immediately, your skin contracts and you feel the biding cold again. Put on clothes and feel a bit better, warm, walks to the kitchen and grabs a mug on the way and pour yourself the steaming coffee. You stand by the window, sips the coffee, feel it run trough your body, smiles vaguely – the rain has stopped, the drops has turned into a puddle.
The street is dark and grey, the shadows is long and reaches out, trying to get the single man on the street. The man is wearing a cotton coat, walks quickly with small steps, trying to protect his fragile body from his soaked clothes. You look at the clock, you are late, you grab you coat and rushes to the door. You walk out into the cold.
You look up on the dark sky and a big drop of water clashes on your cheek. You start to walk – the rain hits you harder.


Posted 26 February 2002, 1.06 pm by Jake

A pretty olive-skinned woman with flowing black hair walked down the beach. She looked to the shore, sizing up the 15-foot-tall grating-and-barbed-wire fence that snaked down the coastline and made an immediate right angle towards the land. It ran all the way from the beach to the border. It was high tide, and the fence sat about 10 feet out from the water's edge.
She had been thinking for a while, and had decided that today was the day. She was going to get over that fence, even if it meant her life. She looked around nervously, and began to run. Her pace quickened as she neared the fence. As soon as she hit it she began to climb. She clamored over the barbed wire and lost her grip. She found herself hurtling face-first towards the ground, when she was jolted. She screamed in agony and looked upward. Her foot was tangled in a loop of barbed wire. The skin tore like wet paper, followed by muscles and tendons, ripping like fabric. Blood spewed forth and ran down her leg like a river of crimson. She frantically pawed the fence, bellowing in pain as the spikes tore ribbons of skin and flesh from her leg. Hearing voices, she scrambles and gasps to relieve herself of the wire. As she dangles there in a panic, her weight finally causes the barbed wire to give.
It snapped. She lands on the other side of the fence with a resounding thud. She looks up in a daze, noticing the strange, new people gathering around her, with rocks in their hands. A large, shirtless man bellowed out a command in a language she has never heard before, and the sharp rocks begin to rain on her. She shrieks in pain, curls up in a fetal position, and cries herself into a warm, black, endless sleep as the rocks pelt her frail body.

Crime Watch

Posted 25 February 2002, 4.34 pm by Craig

Everyone has a Web Cam now. Chicks, Dicks, Rats, Cat's and now even a Prison!!

Below is a small part of the disclaimer:

Instances of violence or sexually inappropriate behavior by detainees during the booking process may occur.

Sexually Inappropriate Behavior. Yes, now you can watch ass rapings for free!!

Visit The first live webcam from inside a working jail!!.

I'm not normally cruel...

Posted 23 February 2002, 11.05 pm by The_Roach

I'm really not. I have been influenced by some delinquents.

Here's the situation: I was sitting around my apartment with Waldo, Mr. Spooky and Berly today. When I stepped into my room to check some e-mail, I discovered that someone had sent me an Instant Message... thinking I was her son. The three workers on iniquity that I had been spending my time with ruthlessly encouraged me to try and fuck around with her head. What follows is a transcript of conversation:

Woman: Frankie, what are you doing? Answer me back. MOM
Woman: Your Internet provider is rejecting my emails to you. I have your user name and pass word so you can log in on the Family site at:
Your user name word and your pass word is...ei9c8p2...
You can sign on and look at the pictures posted from our relatives. Don't lose this info. MOM
Woman: Here is my email address: Address removed
Roach: What?
Woman: Oh, so now you respond
Roach: Ummmm....
Woman: aren't you so funny
Roach: I'm not really sure how to respond to this..
Woman: well, the emails I've sent to you came back to me because yuor provider didn't accept them
Roach: What's the e-mail address you're using?
Woman: presidency
Roach: Hang on mom... the prostitute is distracting me...
Woman: is she giving you a blow job? if not, then lick her bush
Woman: can you tell that Ned is sitting next to me and putting in his comments?
Roach: Yeah, ma... I can tell. She's giving me head in a girl scout niform...
Roach: I think she's only 15... I'm not gonna check her ID until she's passed out from all the heroin.
Woman: put that little fly away and talk English
Roach: Huh?
Woman: I was trying to send you your user name and password to get on to the family site.
Roach: Oh... thanks...
Woman: you probably didn't even get it
Roach: I got in the IM
Woman: It's....
username is...Removed
password is...ei9c8p2
Roach: Yeah... I've got it...
Woman: get on it and see what your brother and sisters look like and your nieces and nephews.
Woman: what day is your son due in July?
Roach: It's not even mine mom... thanks for bringing up the painful memories...
Woman: Jim said, it could be his from when he was up there last year
Roach: :-)
Woman: He said you'd have to have a duel but first you'd have to catch him and he is fertile and loves to make boys
Woman: O:-)
Roach: Is that "make boys" or "have boys". I remember him saying something about slicking their hair back and pretending they're eight.
Roach: I mean... there was that cub scout fiasco...
Woman: oh yeah. he told me about that and he said you were the first one in line
Roach: I was just selling the tickets...
Woman: he said that you had bought them all because you have sooooooo much moneyyyyy and didn't want to share
Woman: 8-)

(It was at this point that all three of them said that they would lose all respect for me if I didn't try and take this woman's money and have it donated to AKpCEP. Peer pressure sucks.)

Roach: Are you still donating money to worthy causes?
Woman: did you write down your username and password? Man, that prostitute must be doing agreat job on you
Woman: what money?
Roach: Didn't you give something to the NEA last year?
Woman: what's the NEA
Roach: The National Endowment for the Arts
Woman: why would I do something like that for? I work too hard for the little money I make. They should be giving it to me because I'm a work of art myself. One of a kind. No duplicates can be made.
Roach: Thank God for that.
Woman: how are Amy and Liza?
Woman: How is your job going? Is Amy still taking courses?
Dunkelzahn: They're doing alright... Out of the house right now. Amy's thinking about giving up on the school thing.
Woman: Why? Is she tired of school? Or is she going to take it up after the baby is born?
Roach: A little from column A, a little from column B. She's not sure if she's going to go back or not.
Woman: I'm going to go with Ned to Fred Meyers, so I'm going to let you go for now. Maybe later on I'll check and see if you're online again. Say hi to them all. Love ya. Bye.
Woman signed off at 3:50:38 PM.

I'm currently torn as to whether or not to simply block the poor woman, or continue playing around. I will say that this poor bastard has one ugly family. I feel so dirty...

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I truly believe that Vancouver has one of the most beautiful cityscapes. This photo was taken late in the afternoon. The way the sun was hitting the water almost brought me to tears. I think that someone should make this into a postcard that promotes our beautiful city.


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Props to Green Mamba for bringing the weirdness


80s candy bars were pretty good

only because i traded it for a candy bar in the 80's.

lol we all know you don't have a soul ghoti

my soul for some carbs...

But of course!


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