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Good Times

Posted 24 January 2002, 12.47 am by The_Roach

I lead a fairly dull, normal life. Up until just recently I have been very satisfied with it. I wake up in the morning to some rather loud music, take a shower, check up on various goings-on around the net, and leave for work. Once there, I pull my hair out for several hours doing a job that I love so much it hurts. After my day is complete, I take a couple of busses home, make my way over to the computer and work on various projects that I have involved myself in. Maybe I'll even have a drink or two.

Day in and day out, I follow the routine. Things weren't always this way, though. I used to spend a lot of time with friends, frequently recieving calls at four in the morning asking for assistance to keep so-and-so out of jail or to come hang out at some party. When I realized how I was floating through life, I decided to become more disciplined. I focused on my career, placed more emphasis on organizations with which I had involvement. Eventually, my buddies just stopped calling.

Now, on those rare occasions in which I venture out of my domicile for a purpose other than work, I don't know what to do. I'll go to a bar with three of my closest friends every Tuesday night and just stare at the walls. Everyone thinks I'm some kind of broken man, that I don't have anything to live for but work and profit and capitalism.

That, however, is not my desire. It isn't my goal. I want to be able to enjoy myself, but I can't. I'm not sure I know how anymore. Everytime I engage in some activity that I would have once found pleasure in, I taint it in my head. I find some flaw that prevents me from being affected by it in a postive way, find some pewter lining in cloud nine.

Am I afraid to let myself go, afraid that I might no longer accept the drudgery of everyday life? Afraid? No.

That word can't even begin to adequately describe the terror I feel.

Put some effort into it

Posted 23 January 2002, 10.42 pm by Villager

Every now and again I get the feeling that I have become a little.. stale. The feeling that I am slipping, slipping and sliding, having lost my grip on what's going on. When this happens, I take a look at my life, what I do each day, where my committments lie, where my energies are focused. If all is well, I refocus on what I'm doing and I push myself. The feeling of achievement, physical or psychological, when you set a target higher than usual and accomplish it, is quite something. Example? Revising my methods of study, trying new things, looking at different approaches. Or sport, training for that extra half hour to perfect the backhand volley.

If all is not well, though, I weed out the shit. If something no longer holds the appeal that made me take it up in the first place, then I adjust or change it. I make time to relax, to read, to walk in the rain and to do nothing. I periodically make the effort to decide whether I'm wasting my time at one thing or another; and it's surprising to find the frequency with which change is inspired by simple evaluation. Life is too short to spend time, especially if you have little free time, doing things which are either not to your benefit, or indeed to your displeasure. Don't do things for the sake of it. Your time is a resource, allocate it wisely.

Henry

Posted 23 January 2002, 7.12 pm by Alexander

Henry - Portrait of a Serial Killer is probably one of the best, and most unsettling, horror films I've yet seen. Not a horror in the traditional sense, it takes a very matter-of-fact, unflinching look into the disturbed world of serial killer Henry Lee Lucas and his sidekick Otis Toole.

Filmed excellently by John McNaughton in a film-verite style, we are offered little in the way of history or explaination. It sometimes feels like the Belgian classic Man Bites Dog, in the respect that we follow the protagonists from one bloody, motiveless killing to the next. Often the viewer is made to feel like a voyeur or at worst participant in the crimes being committed, through clever techniques such as when the pair video the rape and murder of a young woman in her home, we are shown Henry and Otis viewing the resulting video. We are watching them watching themselves.

Very bloody, but never particularly gratuitous (the uncut version has a rather nasty opening pan through a motel washroom, in which a hooker is slumped, a broken bottle stuck in her face) this is a tremendously powerful film. Very strongly recommended for those of you with a strong stomach.

I heard it on the radio

Posted 23 January 2002, 3.37 pm by Sickan

I listened to a live-radio program a couple of days ago about this businessman who sells furs and stuff like that, and he had as the first in Denmark begun to sell furs and coats made of dog skin. He imported the furs from a Chinese company. There was a person in the studio, which was a member of some kind of "Save the animals from the evil evil humans"-group and of course he resented this highly. He told us how immoral this kind of business were, nobody would buy a fur from a dog, who could have belonged to a little girl in China... and there was this funny silence in the studio ... the speaker then very carefully asked the opponent if he knew anything about how dogs were looked upon in China?? They were treated like we treat our pigs; In Chinese culture they were nothing more... first the opponent tried to tell us that this wasn't true, that also the Chinese people cared about Dogs and looked upon them with "European" eyes, when the Businessman and the speaker had kicked him to his place with arguments and evidence of the very opposite, he just freaked; He started to blabber about the "bad seed" that the Chinese culture had planted in Europe, the overpopulation and difficulties that this country created for other countries all over the world... he just really fucked everything up for himself!! After about 2-3 minutes it actually sounded like he were on the edge of a nervous breakdown and he were about to cry, then the speaker said it was time for commercials. After the commercials they jumped to something totally different... and I never got to hear what had happened to this unfortunate man!! Maybe he jumped out the window... hehe

I don't know why I'm telling you this ... maybe because I was surprised that they would put a person on the air who had no actual knowledge of the subject discussed or just because I find the whole situation bizarre...

Am I Kidding Myself?

Posted 22 January 2002, 7.33 am by marilee

Things I do to stay healthy:
- Choke down tofu so I have some protein in my diet
- Eat brown rice instead of white
- Buy organic non-GMO foods
- Avoid processed and fast food
- Avoid caffeine
- Avoid drinks and foods with high amounts of easily absorbed sugars
- Live a mostly straight-edge life style, avoiding drugs, cigarettes and alcohol
- Get allergy shots weekly
- Consume vitamins, minerals, blue-green algae, "good" bacteria, and flax oil
- Avoid potently harmful and difficult to digest foods such as dairy


Yet I still:
- Stay up for 24+ hour periods
- Sleep in
- Avoid eating so I won't gain weight
- Never get enough exercise
- Spent too much time on my computer
- Clean my room and dust about once a year
- Spend more time than I'd like watching television
- Avoid going to the doctor when I'm sick
- Refuse medication when I need it


What am I trying to prove by this? Simply that I, among millions of other people, somehow convince myself that the good things I do are enough even when I continue with my bad habits. I may try to keep my allergies under control, but I live in a dusty house which I refuse to clean out of laziness. Just as you might go to McDonalds after a morning at the gym or continue to smoke while you avoid foods with harmful carcinogenic pesticides. We all try to be healthy, but do any of us really succeed?

Bruce Lee Goodness

Posted 22 January 2002, 12.24 am by Alexander

This is well worth a look. Takes a while to load (on dial-up anyway) and it's a wonderful piece of flash.

Plus it gives you an insight into how germans dub chinese films. Inspiring!

The Media

Posted 21 January 2002, 4.22 pm by Sickan

When I think of the Media I think of news, interesting stories from the world. You know, stuff that's nice to know, maybe that France got a new President or some oil tanker has spilled oil in the Pacific... But noooo!! Instead 70% of all the newspapers and magazines scattered in my local kiosk are about the latest thing some irrelevant pop star or movie star have done or said. I ask myself what I want to know about the celebrities. I don't want to know that the person is pregnant nor that the celebrity has a drug problem or was abused as a child. I'm sorry I just don't care!

I tell myself to close my eyes and just let them play their own game, but I can't help myself, I just get so, in a way, sad when I look at all these colored magazines, with all their skinny models and muscular men with shiny teeth... Its like they are saying: "If you don't look this way ... you aren't a real person!!" Hmm...

I'm not blaming the celebrities here; they are not to blame that the standards or needs of good journalism have fainted! They need this form of publicity to some point, or else they wouldn't be what they are, Celebrities!! And surely deep down some of this is good, I mean if some actor is the leader of WHO and through the magazines can raise some money or just make people think about the situation of their case, then it's good.

There's a fine balance between using and abusing when it comes to the relationship between the press and the celebrities.

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

Posted 21 January 2002, 11.59 am by marilee

As I revise my resume, stare at it, proof-read it, and revise it some more I think to myself, "I haven't done that badly." Receptionist, Retail Sales Clerk, Concession Manager, Ticket Sales. All high-paying jobs for what they are, always made a couple dollars more than minimum. Committed, involved, active, not to mention dearly loved (but I would never put that on my resume) at my highschool. A wide range of computer skills. Office skills and retail skills. Great references.

Of course, this feeling of pride and accomplishment only lasts for a couple seconds, as most. It sinks in that I have failed my one attempt at a serious relationship, have no idea what I am going to do for the rest of my life and can't dance, sing or play a musical instrument worth a damn.

I wonder to myself, will I ever be happy, satisfied, complete? Will I ever be content with my life and situation? Will that feeling of accomplishment ever be more than fleeting? If so, would my life even be worth living? Without the need to one-up myself, the drive to prove I'm better than what I am currently worth, would any of this be worth it? Would I sit in a chair, doing nothing new, nothing exciting, the same thing day in and day out?

When I get a 97% on a paper I whine and beat myself up for not studying hard enough. When I notice the raise on my pay cheque, I am not happy but wonder what I could do to make it higher next year. When someone tells me I'm pretty I feel I must be ugly because they didn't say I was beautiful. When someone tells me they are starting to feel close to me, I am ashamed I couldn't make myself closer.

I conclude from this that it is not a bad thing I look down on myself. I am doing myself a favour never being satisfied with my test scores, grades, work ethic, relationships, talents and skills. I can only better myself this way. It must be a good thing.

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Doggybag/baggy_dog is an artist living and working in Barga, Italy. Click here to read about this piece in his own words.


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80s candy bars were pretty good

only because i traded it for a candy bar in the 80's.

lol we all know you don't have a soul ghoti

my soul for some carbs...

But of course!

Yo ! Does this work ?

* Alexander wonders if this still works

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